Category: Political Posturings

“Hiiiiii!!! Derrrrrrrrp!”

Silence may be golden and it may be a fence around wisdom. It may even be one of the great arts of conversation, but let’s get something straight right out of the gate. My silence as of late must not be mistaken for either complacency or fucking acceptance. It is neither. Laziness? Perhaps the teeny tiniest bit. Or maybe it’s more like wicked apathy. You see, when you’re surrounded by a deluge of the dim powered by the army of the retard right here in Wisconsin, resistance seems rather hopeless and more so it seems so fucking futile.

“I’ll do what? I like birdies and fishies and dolphins. I won’t kill them. You lie! Mommy says I’m sensitive and special and can do anything I want! I love aminals!”

As anyone with a brain (this of course excludes teabaggers) knows June 5th approaches fast, and with it ventures forth the inevitability of defeat. The defeat to which I refer isn’t of the Democrats. No, that’s perhaps a tiny part of it as along with Progressives, they truly are the only political body that offers even a twinge of hope for the advancement of civilization, but truth be told, they welcomed the fast approaching crushing, blistering defeat. They asked for it. In fact, I’m not entirely convinced that they didn’t plan on it. Trust me, I saw Jon Erpenbach’s face during my days blasting the capitol with my bullhorn. He wasn’t annoyed. He was afraid… of me. Well, maybe not me exactly, but that which I represent. Distaste, anger, and disgust at this marching corporate agenda of which he clearly is an important part. Behind closed doors, who knows what kind of bedfellow he is with the Fitzies. No, I’m not worried about their defeat. My Hyde welcomes it. They’re clearly an integral part of the problem what with their consistently spineless and cowardly approach to politics. I mean have you heard of this Obama character? Get this. He let the oil companies drain acrid piss into our delicate ecosystems and continues to encourage it to this day… free of charge. Have at it boys!

No. The defeat to which I refer is the defeat of reason of logic of sanity of hope. Hey. Just because one high ranking, ineffectual asshole sullied that word, doesn’t mean I can’t still use it. And don’t give me that hero to the homosexual community bullshit. He doesn’t give a rancid democratic shit about the gays. It’s bullshit posturing. It’s a grand and righteous posture to be sure, but the jury’s going to be deliberating a long fucking time before the final verdict on Obama’s stance is read. And the rights… the fucking RIGHTS… of our gay neighbors will neither be realized in his second lame duck term nor for a painfully long time thereafter. You heard it here.

Wisconsin is a red state folks. Walker has succeeded in his pledge to Beloit billionaire sycophant Diane Hendricks (who paid NO income tax 2005-2008) in a “divide and conquer” strategy to end all strategies. Sidenote: What in the name of Christ’s holy shit is a billionaire doing living in a town named after the sound of  tiny turds hitting toilet water? Whatever…

“Once this state succumbs to the power of red, I’ll buy it all up for the bargain price of $14.95… give or take fourteen ninety. Strip women’s rights! Arm the dim! Repeal environmental protections! Nature’s laws don’t apply to me. I am Hurricane Hendricks! I… am… FURRY! I mean fury. Yeah, FURY!!!.”

Our redness emerged in November of 2010. It inflamed like an angry pulsating hemorrhoid in April 2011 with the reelection of  Sir Ignatius Imp of Appleton, one Davie Prosser. It swelled to an itchy burn in the summer of 2011 with the failed senate switch (and remember, that terrible creature Randy “the bed” Hopper barely lost and celebrated with a DUI). And it will explode with sticky, congealed blood all over Wisconsin’s masses upon the failed attempt at Walker’s recall in less than three weeks. Checkmate, assholes. They win.

Show them what they’ll win, Scotty!

“Well Wisconsin conservatives, how about your very own castle… doctrine. That’s right! With that new concealed carry weapon, I bet you single issue voting, neighborhood watch Christian soldiers are just aching to shoot yourself a threatening negro with Skittles, or better yet a bleeding heart liberal! All you gotta do is drop a trail of quarters leading right into your house and BLAM! Flawless victory. But that’s not all! How about four more terms of de-funded education and pay to play politics? Think your kids are getting too smart? Well worry not. Because under Scotty I and II’s reign, a strong education system will be a libturd dream of the past. Still think that’s it? Wrong! With the re-election of me, Supreme Chancellor Walker, you’ll also receive a stronger corporate representation in government. They’re people too, my friends! Ah doi!”

That certainly is a lot, but surely that can’t be it, can it, Scotty?

“Kill it! Shoot that sum bitch in the face! Recall this you God damned pecker faced mother fucker! God bless Walker!”

“Of course not, Sturm. Need something to add value to those rapidly deflating homes of yours, Wisconsin? Under conservative rule you’ll be allowed to kill any creature you desire and add it to your brand new… Trophy room! Tired of pigeons? BOOM! Stuff it! Hate those ugly cranes? BLAM! Mount it! Tired of wolves being all… wolfy? KA-BLOOEY! Pose it ferociously even though you trapped it and poisoned it! None of your friends will know you’re a coward. Creatures of all sizes will be at your mercy. Masturbate furiously at your magnificence! God is great! God is good! Oh, my God! So… fucking… good… Speaking of God, you’ll also win a chance to teach the next generation that everything we see is six thousand years old! As if that isn’t enough, you’ll also…”

Actually, Scotty. It’s quite enough.

So there you have it, folks. Those are the prizes. Republicans desire nothing more than to strip your civil rights. They desire nothing more than to defund education. They desire nothing more than to shit on a woman’s ability to manage her own health care. They desire nothing more than to find the next country to invade. They desire nothing more than to sow the ignorance of religion deeper into the bylaws of American politics. All in the name of fiscal conservatism.

So how did they do this? How did they win? Well, by pandering to the ignorant and the racist and the misogynistic (90% of Republie/cons fit this bill). It doesn’t take much to distract the dim. Lies to conservatives are like candy to a toddler. They are irresistible. Every single person that votes Republie/con believes that these assholes are “fiscal conservatives”, which of course is despite the fact that EVERY Republie/con since Nixon has engaged in endless war. Every single morand that votes Republie/con also believes the steaming shit heap that sputters on about how they are fighting for smaller government despite monitoring and regulating the living fucking shit out of every aspect of our lives. These of course are the same idiots that worship Ronnie Reagan. Their hero expanded the government, but would they take note of this? Of course not. That might require them to read. “What should I read ‘fer,” they’d shriek.

Oh, speaking of voting like a fucking asshole. Whoever, and by that I mean every single shit stain on the underwear that is humanity that votes for Scott Walker on June 5th is a Republie/con. This cannot be disputed. I’ve heard some idiots say it’s because they “don’t believe in the recalls.” “It’s my own protest vote.” Bullshit. That’s a smokescreen folks. They’re just too ashamed to admit that they’re either racist, bigoted, misogynistic, ignorant, rich, or all of the above. In other words, admitting that they’re Republie/con and they “stand with Walker.” My idiot fucking step father is one of these abominations. Oh well, that’s one less waste of space that I have to interact with. So whatever you do, don’t buy into the bullshit of assholes like him. Cut them out of your lives. Excise the tumors before they metastasize.

So in short, I’m throwing down. I’m calling the elections that truly matter before they happen. Scotty Walker will… WIN! Scotty Fitzgerald will… WIN! Wisconsin will… lose. Big time. But hey, we asked for it. When the wicked, the insane, the inane, the despicable and the straight up retarded join forces, there is little hope for a brighter future. I’m not going to tell you to vote. I’m not going to tell you not to vote. I’m not even going to tell you to hold out hope. I really don’t give a rancid shit what you do anymore, Wisconsin. Do whatever the fuck you need to do to get through this dark era we have entered. Me? I’m just going to bide my remaining time in this shit hole of a state and raise a glass to better times… somewhere else.



“Awww, c’mon, Pee Paw. It’s just not fair. I can’t ask for another favor yet. No, please don’t take my sleek black SUV back.  It makes the redneck MILFs in my district wet. Shucks, fine I’ll talk to him about it. Tell mee maw to call me later. I’m super scared and lonely right now.”


Well it was only a matter of time, folks. With this many misogynistic, racist, religious bigots, it was destined to happen that the fundamental values of the Republican party would come bubbling to the surface. Undoubtedly ALL four of these goons running for president think the same way, but only fecal/lube discharge had the courage to speak his mind. He just couldn’t help revealing his true feelings that Barack Obama is an “anti-war, government nig… uhh”. I applaud you, you brave and intrepid conservative soul! Certainly you’ve heard it, but just in case you haven’t, here it is in his own words:



Now I’ve already noticed the internets are lit up with frothy discharge apologists. “No man! Shit no, that’s not what he was going to say. You don’t know!” Really? Well what other word in the English language starts with the letters n-i-g? Well there’s Niger and Nigeria. Ya, we got those. But they’re pronounced n-eye. Now the only other ones I can think of are nigga, nigger, and a quick search on the internets, something this asshole should be well aware of and afraid of, reveals niglet. Shit, I’m racking my brain for other ones, especially ones readily used in conversation. No, make no mistake, this asshole meant nigger. I mean look at how he stumbles and fumbles after saying it. His voice screamed, “Oh shit, did I do that!?” He was scared and hopefully mortified, but I can’t imagine a creationist asshole like him feeling remorse or regret for such blatant disrespect. I mean it horrifies me to even use this word in this blog entry to attack his blatant racism and disrespect for another human being.

Can we dissect this quote just a bit more? Did you hear him call Barack Obama “anti-war”? As if being against war is a bad thing? Jesus Hermanos Fucking Christ this guy is jihad dangerous. Onward christian dipshits! Let’s string all the dissenters high be they muslim, black, or even slightly sinful.

But you know what? In the end, this mega-gaffe doesn’t matter. Nope, not one bit. You see, the Republicans are a bunch of racists and even if Santorum wins the nomination (which he won’t), he’ll pull as many votes as any of the other three identical goons, because the party of old white guys who love war, and persecution of homosexuals, and beating women, and raping the environment are barely one step away from their grandpappy’s pappy who loved to string up our black brethren and sistren’s ancestors. It’s appalling. It’s fucking shocking, and I know it shouldn’t be. Consider the source. What a vulgar fucking human being Frothy is. Holy shit do I use that term human being loosely.

Well, folks let’s sit back and enjoy the fireworks. If they ever arrive. I can’t imagine the media covering an important story like this. Who needs it when gas might rise to five dollars per gallon. Fucking attention deficit morons.

Peace my nnnn… ice peeps,



"Yeah? So? What's the big fucking deal?"

"Well hells ya I support Romney. Santorum? Absolutely. Ron Paul? Of course. Gingrinch? Without a doubt. Who am I gonna vote fer then? Well I'm an independent, duh, so I vote what my consum... my consen... my constipation dictates... I'll vote fer whoever I damn well please! Now kindly step out of my way, college boy, I need to get to that Hooters over there for some oysters!"

Ron Paul, Newt Gingrinch, Mitt Romney, and the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex. What do they all have in common? They are all parasitic creatures feeding off  of others whether it be those less fortunate souls’ fears, hopes, hard work, or mere desire to eek out a simple, inconsequential existence. They are playing a dangerous game with this civilization, and worse this planet and it’s fragile ecosystem of which humans are merely another part. They are drones and nothing more. Well, not exactly. They are also clones. Each one represents the other in reality. There are minimal differences. Sure there are subtle nuances that give one more credit with a certain pocket of the Republie/con party, but make no mistake, they all represent the same end: big and oppressive government, endless war, cementation of religion within the political system, misogyny, homophobia, racism (yeah assholes, even that now thankfully irrelevant teatard Herman Cain), environmental desecration, and civil rights repeal. Did I miss anything? Oh yeah. How about an inability to display plain old fucking decency, compassion, and foresight?

I know, a lot of people will come to the defense of Ron Paul claiming he is not like the others. They say he actually has some civility and sense about him. Even some of my liberal friends and coworkers are guilty of coming to the aid of his perhaps slightly more subtle yet equally damaging hyperbole. “I like Ron Paul,” they’ll say. Or, “Ron Paul’s not that bad. At least he’s genuine.” Genuine? How? In what sense? He’s a Republican reaching hard for the “independents” and thankfully he’s failing, because in the end he’d be just like the other three morands in the race.

Now I know I’m prone to my own hyperbole, but you see the difference is, mine doesn’t lead to war, environmental desecration, or civil entropy. And mine is awesome. Some have and will continue to criticize my “tired talking points” (those pesky ideas of misogyny, civil rights, the environment, etc, etc) and that’s fine. Who cares? They are sub-human creatures that barely evolved beyond our ape ancestor mentality. All they are capable of is a lot of  grunting and chest thumping and during every major election, drawing a shaky line to complete the arrow pointing to anyone with an (R) by their name on a ballot.

"Ah, yes 'tis one hundred purrcent true. I shit in a box and then promptly lick my own asshole. All I think about is eating, pooping, getting scratched, and batting dripping water, but I have a vastly more refined social conscientiousness than all of those teabaggers I have watched from my kingly window perch."

Anyways, I have digressed (but not really). Back to my main point. What I’m saying is that all four of these goons are identical to one another save a few nuances in their individualized insanity. Ron Paul believes inner city blacks will stick you with AIDS infested needles (he approved publication of racist newsletters stating so). Newt Gingrich believes it is okay to cheat on your wife (during work hours) while berating and calling for the impeachment of an asshole president who did the exact same. Mitt Romney believes he’s going to inherit a planet and have many wives when he dies. And frothy discharge believes… well so many heinous things (a six thousand year old earth for starters) that he should be automatically disqualified for being inconsequential but he hasn’t. He’s a theocrat for fuck’s sake! You know, the funny thing is even his own overly oppressed wife doesn’t believe the bullshit that comes spewing out of her misogynistic, creationist asshole husband’s mouth. Pre-Santorum, she lived with a man out of wedlock for christ’s sake. Of course froth meister will talk about how she repented and has been forgiven by god (which is another way of saying froth-man is merely, and graciously according to him, letting bygones be bygones). What in the name of christ’s holy shit is wrong with these people? Bah, why analyze their banalities? It gets us nowhere. That’s energy better spent making a stuffed grilled cheese sandwich. Or petting my vastly more important cats.

"Whoa guys! When I said suit up, I didn't mean blabber like morons and spout crazy ideas in public. But Mitt, man. Way to go on baggin' those babes in the afterlife, bro! Not sure about the marriage part though."

So you see, despite these nuances, the fundamental beliefs of all four candidates have been, still are, and forever will be identical. You know, it’s weird the dichotomy of anger and humor that this whole Republie/con primary delivers to me on a silver fucking platter. I’m 99.99% certain it’s the common thread of rising religion leading towards theocracy weaving throughout all of these suited up assholes that disgusts and horrifies me the most. What’s most ironic (and moronic) about this idea of theocracy is that the dolts that will automatically vote for WHOEVER wins this race to the bottom are the same assholes that shriek about all of the islamic (not capitalized to emphasize insignificance) theocratic states. Of course they’re too ignorant to use the word theocratic and choose instead, oh I don’t know, “towel heads” or “sand niggers” or some compilation of words that cling to the false idea that christianity is even microscopically less crazy than islam. Idiots.

Now I hate Obama. Not personally of course, but because he’s a right leaning corporate Dimocrat. Too many of his policies fight for the wrong side. He’s dropped the ball so many times it’s not even worth watching the game anymore for fear of punching my beautiful 47 inch LED t.v. He failed to punish BP like he should have. Even fucking Brazil has detained the executives of Chevron for shitting in the water. Have you seen this? It’s unbelievable. Maybe it won’t go anywhere, but it’s a god damned great start. But could Obama do that? No, because the asshole needs his own post-presidency golden parachute. What an asshole. He’s even gone so far as to open up further drilling in the name of energy independence. What a panderer to the simpleton, “drill baby drill” crowd. But we can’t stop there. Oh, no. He also caved in to the demands of the cathoholics on birth control. He pandered to the military, keeping unnecessary wars rolling far longer than he should have. He supports the idea that “corporations are people too, my friend.” So excuse the hyperbole, but Barack’s nothing more than a Republie/con.

But as much as I hate Obama, I truly hate the open Republie/cons more. It makes me smile when I see that the longer this primary rolls on, the more Barack’s numbers swell. Why? No, not because Barack will probably win in November, but because it shows the indisputable stupidity and the incredible arrogance and the outright uselessness of the right. Does anyone actually think if say frothy discharge wins the primary that anyone who unwaveringly supported Ron Paul will refuse to vote for anal drainage? No, of course not. Why? Is it because all four candidates ultimately support their own stunted and wicked belief systems? Without a doubt, but more importantly it’s because all four of them are all inter-fucking-changeable. They’re cloned drones if you will. End of story.



"Uhhhhhhh... sand niggar!"

"I endorse Palin... no Pawlenty... no the byproduct of anal sex, what was his name?... uhh, no I mean Newt... wait, no Romney. Yeah, Romney!!! Mitt promised me a mansion on his planet when I die. The ruler of Kolob commands it!"

You know what irks me more than anything? When inconsequential pieces of maggot infested shit conservatives hog the stage and refuse to acknowledge what a joke they are. Yes, I’m talking about Donald Trump. Since when did this asshole’s opinion come to be respected on any level? Donald Trump? Seriously? What a joke. It appears he is suddenly endorsing Mitt Romney. Wait a minute, wasn’t it Newt Gingrich like a month ago? Oh, that’s right, it’s the republie/con party. This is the party of infantile attention deficit morons who can barely remember to breathe that make up the vast majority of their party. Stupid bastards.

Seriously, they trust Don? The republie/con party is seriously deferring to this asshole’s judgment? The party of “fiscal conservatism” (despite spending countless billions on war with EVERY republie/con administration in my fucking lifetime) is putting all of their trust in a guy who’s been bankrupt more times and depended on government money (welfare) than any “welfare maggot” these hypocritical, misogynistic drains on society attack at every turn? Wow. Pathetic.

"Don't be stupid. Vote anything but republican!"

Did I ever tell you how much I hate conservatives? Fuck these assholes are stupid and this whole debacle only confirms it. Don represents the vast majority of his party, he really does. He’s like Glen Beck or Bill O’Reilley or the Koch bros. He’s a racist, bigoted, short sighted old man who spouts fragile and rudimentary opinions disguised as knowledge. He’s a morand (a moron that worships Ayn Rand) who when it gets right down to it, barely has the brain capacity to tie his own shoes, let alone grasp insanely complicated financial concepts like debt, GNP, GDP, etc, etc. Corky in his teen television years would have been a vastly more shrewd businessman than that show boater Don. Don’s an idiot, plain and simple just like anyone worth less than a few cool million that votes republican. Young Corky at least had common sense and decency as a social foundation. Oh, and again, let’s not forget that Don’s been BANKRUPT… multiple times! How’s that for fucking irony? Jack ass can’t even manage his own money let alone that of 150 million taxpayers. So by all means republie/cons, go ahead and put your trust in somebody that couldn’t hold himself in a debate against an aborted baby. Oh, and if you republie/cons happen to  steal the White House from that moderate piece of shit corporate Dimocrap Obama in November, it would most definitely be a tragedy to end all tragedies, but hey… la la la la life goes on!

"Cool story, bro. But you see, when I said hope and change, I meant related to Sasha and Malia's financial future. Book deals, speaking tours, public appearances... you know shit important peeps like me get to do. Ching bitches! Fuck the pelicans and polar bears. I'm B. to the H. to the mother fucking O. Myyyy bullshit brings all the libs to the polls... my lies are betta than yo's!"

I know a lot of people think I am a die hard libturd in unwavering support of Obama, but they’re wrong… of course teabaggers are always wrong, so what’s new? I’m gonna be brutally honest. I don’t like Obama. I don’t like him at all. Not only is he a member of the party of ineffectuality, but he’s a pussy (no disrespect, ladies. I love your pussies) and a panderer and it’s all because in the end he supports the corporate agenda. He is a corporate tool, a smooth talking, R&B swaggering corporate tool. I believe he honestly believes in the snide and skew philosophies of his “conservative” counterparts. Why else has he side stepped important issues, turn coated on sensitive topics, and coddled them every step of the way? Because he’s fucking one of them. His decision to open up further drilling contracts in the Gulf of Mexico and Alaska only prove this. This, along with his support of a pipeline through delicate ecosystems from Canada to Texas, is the final straw. I am no longer on your side Barack. Your administration will never have my support again.

"Oh cripes, I tells ya! It sure was great when that Indonesian guy Osama decided to come to my DBD party! There isn't any party like a drill baby drill party, doncha know? Say it ain't so mo fo! Cripes I love this new jiving, hip talking urban me!"

I mean what in the name of Christ’s holy shit is this guy thinking? He may as well be holding hands with that single celled abomination called Sarah Palin while chanting “Drill baby, drill!” or singing “We shall underwhelm!” He’s an ineffectual. He’s a panderer to the ignorant. He’s a right leaning “moderate” piece of shit, no doubt about it. Sure, he opened up stem cell research during his first week on the job and then nearly three years later he wisely ended don’t ask don’t tell, but what the fuck else has he accomplished that is filled with even the slightest level of moral responsibility? Moral responsibility… that’s something conservatives and their teabagger leeches scream about but in the end have no true understanding of. They sure as shit don’t have a moral compass… maybe an immoral sextant? Perhaps. Whatever it is, it certainly is driving them into the depths of depravity. And Obama’s going with them. Fucking teabaggers. Did I ever tell you how much I hate teabaggers? What do you do with such a rampant vermin infestation?

So we’re drillin’ baby, drillin’. Exciting isn’t it? Ushering in a new era of environmental and social responsibility? I’m sure glad we had the warning shot of the Gulf oil spill two summers ago to set us on the path of responsibility. It’s really refreshing to see that the Obama administration is holding tight to those lessons and ushering in punitive legislation for those who endanger the people and more importantly the other wildlife of this planet. What’s that? They’re not? Oh yeah, that’s right. That’s just my pesky, hippy libturd idealism shining through. It always blinds me to the reality of the 60% plus majority of higher functioning apes who want to mine, scrape, chop, burn, crush, crumble, boil, drill, split, grind, yank, and suck every ounce of “god given” resources from this planet… like that teabaggin’ piece of shit Herman Cain. Remember his ANWR stance? His war on the arctic wildlife? His bullshit belief in arctic sovereignty? Fuck that guy. He’s a dangerous human being (I use this term human loosely).

Guess what suckers? Obama’s just like him. What a disheartening fucking asshole Barack turned out to be. I fell for it, and I’m pissed as hell. He, like Scatt Wanker… I mean Scott Walker, campaigned on lies (I know, what politician besides Feingold doesn’t). But these lies hurt us immensely, ALL of us no matter how you voted in ’08. He promised to usher in new responsible legislation for the future of this planet. Social, environmental, and financial responsibility. Hooray! Fuckin’ a! He also spread that hope and change bullshit around like feces in an 18th century insane asylum, but he did nothing to move in that direction. Nothing. Why couldn’t he be more like Bush and bully an agenda through, namely those environmental and social change ones he PROMISED us? Why couldn’t he move this teatarded country forward by moving us to renewable energy like he PROMISED us? Conservatives are dead wrong when they claim there is no future in renewable energy. There is ONLY a future in renewable energy. Why couldn’t Barack be like FDR and say, “Listen guys. This is the shit that’s gonna go down. I’m doing this no matter what. If you don’t like it, vote me out in four years.” Why couldn’t he do these things? It’s simple. Because he didn’t and doesn’t believe the shit that came/comes forth from his mouth. He’s a liar. He’s a right of center piece of “moderate” shit.

Now I don’t blame Barack for a shitty economy and spiking unemployment like those silly, selfish, and stupid teabaggers do. That shit exists in huge part because of that retard they elected in 2000 and again in 2004. Make no mistake, teabaggers got us where we are today. No, you see my raging anger and disgust stems from his lack of matching ideals. He supports corporations having civil rights. He denies the need for regulation of drilling. He refuses to punish corporations like BP for willful and wonton destruction. He refuses to advance renewable energy. He compromises the civil rights of others by remaining on the side lines as his conservative allies pass filthy legislation that denies women health care and tries to make miscarriages illegal. You see, he portrayed himself as an idealist, but he is no idealist. Hell, he barely passes as a member of that shitty party of ineffectuals called the democratic party. Rick Perry used to be a Democrat, remember? Barack is nothing but a corporate (I repeat that not all corporations are bad) criminal like the rest of them. He’s just smarter because he’s wily and subtle in his behavior unlike those wicked Pavlovian Republicans. I fell for Barack’s act in 2008. I did, and for that I am ashamed, but never again. Trust me, come 2012 you do not have my vote, Barack. Not even close.

"I warned you that lamanite was up to no good! Now we'll see how bright the future can be with the good, the wise, the grand book of mor(m)on! Sing it with me America! Joseph Smith! There was a man! Heigh ho, diddle dee dough. He'll make our country grow-o-o-o! He'll make our country grow! Peace out! I'm heading back to my vacation planet a couple hundred light years away from Kolob. You can let the lamanites out of their cages to clean up in here now."

So listen, Republicans and all you slithering symbiotic organisms called teabaggers. You may well win in your war to crush this quivering planet come November 2012, because as of November 9th 2011, I will NOT be voting for Barack H. Obama. He is a failure. He is a disappointment. He is just another slimy suit paid for by criminal corporate greed. He is a coward. He is a panderer to the simpletons. He is a destroyer of worlds, namely this natural one of which we are an integral and NO MORE important part of. And let me tell you something, if Obama can’t get the vote of this one lonely and passionate idealist, then what hope does he have? Call me a sadist, but I kind of hope Obama gets crushed in the November 2012 election. Let’s see you “hope and change” your way out of that one, asshole.

So all we can do now is see how badly that mor(m)on suit can fuck shit up (IF Obama doesn’t win because of a reverse Nader effect). Hell, Mitt thinks that pesky lamanite Obama is cursed anyway. Maybe, just maybe he’s right, but not for the reasons his kooky fucking story book (a.k.a. scripture) tells him. You see, that’s just racism protected by freedom of religion. 1976 people. That’s when blacks were taken off the mor(m)on shit list. And he’s not right because that schizophrenic voice of “god” tells him so. No, that’s simply his untreated mental illness. No, no, no quite simply, Obama’s cursed because he’s a lying and dangerous fucking asshole… just like Limbaugh, O’Reilly, Pawlenty, Palin, Cain, Geithner, Immelt, Bush I, Bush II, and that adulterous gigaloo from Arkansas elected back in ’92. Fuck ’em all. Fuck ’em hard. Trying to portray yourself as an idealist won’t work again, Barack. As one of your greatest allies once said: “Fool me once, shame on– shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”


Sturm 2012

Meet Glock. He's a man's best friend, always in your undapants for all those "just in case" moments. Nifty.

Republicans. What do they stand for? I mean beyond destroying the environment, shitting on civil liberties, and waging war on all fronts? Guns. That’s it. Specifically, the right to carry one under your shirt wherever you want. In all the legislative sessions since the beginning of Walker’s goobernatorial term, this is the ONLY thing they have to “brag” about. It’s been a long fight for these rednecks and they won. But that’s all they’ve done in ten plus months. They didn’t deal with a budget crisis because there is none. They didn’t protect the beautiful natural resources of this state because they’re working tirelessly to hand them out to the highest bidder. They didn’t do anything to strengthen the educational system of this state and subsequently its future because they defunded the fuck out of it. They didn’t bring fiscal sanity to Wisconsin because they made it a distant memory with corporate welfare handouts. Isn’t it funny how redneck republicans always shriek mindlessly about human welfare maggots with ACTUAL civil liberties and need of “handouts” in tough times but they turn a blind eye to this bullshit of corporate coddling? Stupid teabaggers. Wicked republicans. I hope some day they eat their own shit and have to go on welfare to feed their redneck babies. Stupid redneck babies. I hate those disgusting creatures. Their speech patterns and thought processes are fully developed at 3 months of age.

Now I’m going to come out and admit that I’m not really all that fired up about this law in and of itself. I don’t mind guns. I enjoy them thoroughly in fact. I don’t believe there is going to suddenly be anarchy in the streets when people (probably very few) actually begin to legally carry their firearms. It’s fine in and of itself despite its blazing uselessness. What pisses me off is that this has been the only agenda of the Republicans for years… well that and union busting and education defunding and environmental rollbacks and religious indoctrination… but this was a simple straight forward battle and they won it commandingly. Now the redneck voters will cheer about how the grand ‘ol party of racists stood up for freedumb and ‘Merica’s greatness unlike those bleedin’ heart, tree huggin’, faggot supportin’, book readin’ liberals. Scatt Wanker has secured himself at least another 3% of the vote when the recall goes through in the months ahead. Yet the bottom line is this legislation is useless. It doesn’t do anything. It’s merely a smoke screen for the right to pander to their redneck constituents. It’s masturbatory material for the dim that they can now use to throw out there while singing: “See!? You see!? At least Walker did something, unlike that poopie… poop… face Doyle!” Tell you what, teabagger. Go over there by that busy highway. Lay down across the yellow passing line, take a few sips of your Bud Light, and catch your breath. You’re going to throw a fat embolism if you don’t take the time to relax.

"What is that up there? Oh, I'm on? Hey fellow teabaggers. Just wanted to let you know you can carry guns now. That's cool, huh? It's just that... you see... what I mean is... so... so here's the thing. It just so happens I'm afraid for my meaningless existence and am banning it in the senate chamber. Sorry teatards! Freedumb isn't free!"

So here’s the other important thing, not only am I pissed off about this legislative body’s wasting time and resources on pathetic legislation, but I’m even more angry about the bull shit double standard, NIMBY (not in my backyard), hypocritical bullshit that is a tried and true pattern of the Republicans. What am I talking about? I’m talking about this happy horse shit. The Republicans are afraid of their own fucking legislation. How pathetic is that? Fitzie boy doesn’t want guns on the senate floor or in the viewing gallery for that matter. Even their offices will be off limits. What a lame brained pseudo-human that sadistic mother fucker is… and a coward. I’m sorry, but these short sighted ignorant assholes voted for this legislation and they should have to face the “consequences” like everybody else. If people want to arm themselves and stare hungrily at these morons while they work passing more inane laws, then they should be able to do so unhindered by the fear of that blubbering fuck Fitzgerald et al. How can they be all in on this legislation and then suddenly set limits? What are you afraid of assholes? I thought the whole goal of this legislation was to make people feel safer? To create a more secure state? Moronic Republicans. They are all walking ironies. They exhaust me with their stupidity.

Of course, all of this will go by unnoticed by their intellectually dull constituents. The Republican apologists will carry on in undying support of the inanity that is the GOP. They think the Dems are the party of do nothing? How can they turn a blind eye to the Repub-lie/con party? Oh, that’s right. They’re simpletons, just like the wastes of oxygen they elect to represent them. Oh well. Guess it’s high time I got my concealed carry certificate in order to protect me and my loved ones. The zombies apocalypse approaches more with each day these degenerates shamble around. Charleton Heston, help us all! Pow pow pow pi pow!



Many weeks ago… May 26 to be exact… I predicted the rise into the GOP presidential ranks of another idiot from Texas, the state that has brought us nothing good that I can think of off hand.  Man does it suck being right. The last thing this world needs is another world leader from Texas. This guy is it though, the GOP’s answer to all that is unholy in their wicked regime. He’s got it all. He’s the man they’ve been waiting for, searching for, dare I say praying for? How you ask? Well, let me tell you.

He believes in killing without conscience: Rick Perry is a major proponent of the death penalty. Now I’m one that can actually understand the blood lust that comes with being the victim of a heinous crime. Hell, if anyone in my family or any of my friends was raped or murdered or equally transgressed, I would desire nothing more than the torture, dismemberment, and death of any and ALL involved. In fact, I’d want to be the one holding the rusty butter knife… or maybe a fork. Which would hurt more when severing a ballsack? But you see, Rick Perry believes in the swift, the unconditional, the indiscriminating use of said penalty. He cannot be bargained or reasoned with, even in the event undeniable evidence comes to light to exonerate the sentenced. I’m sure you’ve heard of Cameron Todd Willingham? It really, truly does NOT surprise me that the southern “justice” system fucked up the case. I’m sure this shit happens all the time. Rednecks and bible thumpers are incapable of justice. Undoubtedly all members of southern law enforcement/prosecution are guilty of  the following listed on The Innocence Project’s website:

"Yuppers, I order the execution of retards. What? No, not teabaggers. It's hard to tell the difference sometimes I know, but not them. I'll need their "independent" votes come 2012."

•    Employing suggestion when conducting  identification procedures
•    Coercing false confessions
•    Lying or intentionally misleading jurors about their observations
•    Failing to turn over exculpatory evidence to prosecutors
•    Providing incentives to secure unreliable evidence from informants
•    Withholding exculpatory evidence from defense
•    Deliberately mishandling, mistreating or destroying evidence
•    Allowing witnesses they know or should know are not truthful to testify
•    Pressuring defense witnesses not to testify
•    Relying on fraudulent forensic experts
•    Making misleading arguments that overstate the probative value of testimony

It’s the south people. It’s the religious. It’s what they do best. Fuck shit up that is. Divide, discriminate, and denigrate. Yeeeeehaaaaa! Never mind the blazing contradictions against their religious stupidity. Thou shalt not kill, remember? Oh wait. That’s why they wrote the addendum years ago that said “an eye for an eye.” Seriously, what have those southern assholes given us? Coke, Wal-Mart, tobacco, and NASTARD? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Nothing. Thanks for the assist, jack asses. Texas is a waste of a state. As my Madison Minotaur rugby friends sang after they crushed Texas in a tourney: “The stars at night… are big and bright… (clap, clap, clap clap) deep in the heart of Texas… We execute minors… and retards too… (clap, clap, clap, clap) deep in the heart of Texas.” Yeah. You heard me right. Developmentally delayed people are strapped to the electric chair by these abominations of conscience in Texas. Fuck Texas.

He believes in American centrism: For all you teabaggers (a.k.a. republicans), this means that he believes, like you all believe, that the United States is the greatest country on the planet and that nothing… fucking NOTHING… can or will stand in our way. It means you believe we have the right to do whatever, whenever, to whomever no matter the consequences. It’s the typically banal GOP drivel that is dangerous on so many levels. “We are the greatest nation and all other nations should strive, under threat of force, to become as we are,” shriek the conservatives. These beliefs are the bread and butter of the conservative movement. They always have been and they always will be. Yeah, I hate to be the bearer of bad news to you mentally fragile fuckers, but the U.S. is NOT the greatest country on the planet. In fact with people like you in our ranks, we are swiftly sinking to the bottom. Your leader Rick Perry has his sights set on sealing this fate.

He believes Medicare/Social Security are UNCONSTITUTIONAL: Do I really need to readdress this shit? That noise you hear is just the GOP’s wardrum thundering on, summoning the shit storm of ignorance. All I can say about this is, if Rethugs and teabaggers and corporate Dimocrats believe this, if they TRULY believe this then they must immediately and without complaint drop all of these benefits and return all SPENT and unspent money to the federal government. Right now shit wits. And this, I might add, includes but is NOT limited to their elderly grandparents in nursing homes and their alcoholic and obese parents who are insulin dependent diabetics and their war veteran friends dependent upon supplemental programs after losing both legs in a bullshit war waged by… a conservative! Seriously, I don’t give a fetid shit what your situation is. Give it all up assholes. Time to pay out of pocket. Put your money where your flappy fucking mouths are.

"Praise Jeebus! Hallelujiah! Slay the heathens! Die muslims! Cure my loved ones! God bless 'merica! God bless you Governor Perry! Help me win the lottery! Make my diabetes go away! If you let me sniff this chick's panties, I'll go to church more! I pray for the non-believers to enjoy gnashing their teeth while burnin' in hell! Hey, we're nice, we're prayin' fer dem. Uh doi. Derpa derp!"

He believes prayer is the answer to all our woes: Yup, another deluded religious dim wit. Actually Rick, prayer is the REASON for a lot of our woes. Can you believe this wannabe cowboy held a fucking prayer rally in Houston for all his holier than thou asshole compatriots in Jesus’s imaginary army. Sigh. Prayer is bullshit people… well actually it might momentarily make you feel better when you’re having a panic attack in the middle of the night because you realize that your life is a meaningless heap of armadillo feces. But you know why said life is meaningless? Because you spent your whole day fucking praying.

Let’s take a moment to compare anyone who believes prayer exacts actual change and… well… me. Let’s just use those suffering horribly in Sudan with the constant political upheaval to illustrate my point (not that conservatives or religious right wingers would give a shit about another country’s suffering people). Prayer boy (or girl) will sit in a room all day and pray for them while I’ll play Dead Island for the same amount of time. Guess who will have done more to help the conflict? Neither of us! We’ll both have been selfish, oblivious assholes who sat on our asses doing nothing for the greater good, only something that merely served to make us feel good. You know what prayer is? It’s video games for the religious. Wow, I just figured that out.

But you know in the end, I actually do do more than all of these praying dolts combined, because I network and I donate money and I write about these things on the internets, bringing attention to them for a small part of the world to see. But guess what else? All 30,000 of those assholes in Rick Perry’s childish army have nothing on me because I  actually worked caring for the sick and injured at the hospital for those 7 hours they spent praying and I accomplished FAR more. And I wiped asshole. I cleaned up shit. Even if that’s all I did it was more than those prayerful assholes! Trust me. Prayer… means… nothing. Just ask the descendents of jews, gypsies, croats, and various other dissenters who were starved, over-worked and then either gassed or cremated alive during WWII what they thought of the Vatican’s assistance through prayer. I think they’d say they would have rather had a ball of rice air dropped to them.

What scares me most is that Rick Perry is vastly more religious and as a consequence vastly more dangerous than that fellow Texan moron GWB. Remember him? You see, what goes hand in hand every time with the extreme religious right, with the dim witted religious zealots in our midst, is the belief that the muslims (or anyone that doesn’t believe in their deity) is the enemy. EVERYONE. That includes you and me, my secular friends. But it’s even more scary because if  and WHEN this man ascends to the White House, he will carry this belief with him and use it to antagonize, irritate, and eventually wage war upon our muslim (fuck ALL religion) brethren. He only needs a flimsy “excuse” like his GOP predecessor. It’s called dominionism, people, and it is scary as fuck. Listen, I don’t give a shit what tone your skin is, if you base your daily actions on an imaginary misogynist in the sky, if HE (it’s ALWAYS a he) tells you what to do and how to behave, then you are mentally ill and should seek treatment immediately. You are not fit for human consumption. In fact, you should quarantine yourself in a prayer bunker and await those “end times”. I betcha Ricky’ll join y’all!

He denies science: Climate change is bogus… the earth is six thousand years old… god put us here to use everything however we see fit. See how his religious beliefs segue perfectly into this? They’re almost one in the same. He may not come outright and admit he believes the earth is 6k years old, but I’d wager that he sways that way for fear of his hyperactive child god’s sadistic and petulant temper tantrums. If you deny climate change trends that are PROVEN (whatever the “cause”), then you are a moron and have no place in the creation of policies that should ultimately better our lives and the life of this living, breathing planet. Like climate change, it is a proven trend that conservatives are incapable of bettering anything, except their rhetoric, bank accounts, and gun collections. Period.

The terror alert has been cemented at orange until the GOP eradicates all of these terrorists that threaten their scorched earth agenda. We need to crush this goose steppin' socialist mother fucker pictured here!

He believes the environment is second to humans: Like ALL GOPers, Rick believes cleaning and protecting this planet to ensure it is left a better place when we die is bullshit. He has ALWAYS voted against environmental regulations during his three term goobernatorial stent, especially if they threaten to even minimally impact the economy of the state under his charge. The only time he’ll get fired up in that special, charming Texas way is when he can gain something. Hell, even that moderate, ineffectual asshole Obama is guilty of this. Barack voted against regulating CFC’s for fuck’s sake. But guv Rick’s record is abysmal to say the least. He is waging war on the environmentevery day. His decisions about Texas’ environment are geared simply towards bucking the Feds riding his state’s ass and to also make it easier for his corporate supporters to create whilst they derate. Do you think he would ever lift his pen to protect endangered species or clean water or delicate ecosystems in Texas let alone the US? Hell no. “Fuck ’em,” he’d shriek. “They need to get out of our way!” In fact, this GOP asshole (and other GOP morands) have sued the EPA. That’s a bold and blatantly ignorant move. Now I agree, the EPA isn’t perfect (it IS a government institution after all), but I believe it is moving society in the absolute right direction. We have to do something. It has to start a decade ago. Humans (namely politically right wing humans) aren’t going to change out of the goodness of their hearts because there is no goodness in those hearts. You know what is so freakishly ironic about the GOP (and teabaggers by default) and their war on the environment? It is that they are an integral PART of that environment they so blatantly attack and abuse and discard like that sweaty, sunburnt Mexican hooker from Ciudad Juárez. In the end, when it goes down, they go down. It really is that elementary you fucking GOP simpletons.

He believes government is bad: Another oxymoronic trend that could only be exemplified with such perfection by the useless GOP, the party of inbreeders, sociopaths, and of course teabaggers. Government gives these politicians their power. Conservatives in particular seek political office for simple reasons: to weaken regulations and strengthen their stranglehold on mother earth and its living citizens. This chest thumping “government is bad” chant is getting really fucking old. It comes loudest from the teabagger leeches. As I said above, morands, if government is so bad, then you need to immediately forgo ALL of your nasty government benefits and venture out on your own. That’s no problem for sociopathic rich people like the Koch bros or Rick Perry, but for the inane in the membrane middle class teabagger types who vote republican with 100% unfailing accuracy, it would spell disaster. How are you going to pay for your weekly detox in the hospital you short-sighted idiots? No idea? Didn’t think so. The mere fact that you remember to breathe amazes me to no end.

Walls. Securing ignorance at all costs. Preventing the infiltration of compassion, rationalism, and progressivism is essential to prevent the crumbling of New Texas's foundation.

He believes Texas should secede from the union: Well, Rick. You got me there, because I also happen to believe that you wastes of oxygen should secede. Clean up this country. Make it a more perfect union by dropping out. Wage war on your own. Destroy the lives of your own insignificant redneck citizens and leave the rest of us out of it. Actually, maybe Austin could become its own state. Or maybe it could be like an embassy of sensibility in a sea of ignorance. Seriously though, a possible future president believes that a state he governs should secede? How is he even a fit leader when he holds tight to such antebellum American beliefs. It’s ridiculous. It reminds me of that Alaskan bimbo’s husband being a loud ‘n proud member of the secessionist party. Pathetic. How much do you want to bet he has an annual pray-in at the Alamo to offer his respects to a bunch of dirt bags who died defending… well, dirt. See you later, Texas. Can’t wait to see that 6,000 mile wall rise to protect you from big bad Mexico and the United States of Heathenism.

He leads the war on illegal (and probably legal) immigration: This too is a snide and skew war call of the GOP. I’m not even going to address it except to say that the only answer the GOP has ever or will ever offer to “solve” this issue is to racially profile. To stop people without cause only because their skin is too dark. Guess what? Parisians and Berliners can be illegals and their skin is white. Ah yes, grand pappy would be so proud of y’all. Racist assholes. If you’re such altruistically and non-racially motivated concerned citizens, then petition mega corporations like Wal-Mart to stop hiring illegals illegally. Again, it’s that elementary you GOP simpletons. Oh wait, that takes foresight and responsible action. Just keep building your stupid wall I guess. That’ll “git er done!”

Only the finest footwear will do for a Repube president as he stomps upon civil liberties, the poor, the downtrodden, and baby penguin heads.

Well, that about does it for now. There is plenty more to be dug up on this dull shootin’ Texas cowboy, but my brain is sore from his blatant ignorance. My soul has started to tremble just a wee bit from the thought of this creature leading this country come 2013. I can’t think of a more dangerous scenario. Sure, maybe Bachmann would be stupiderp, but at least her ignorance and constant gaffs would prevent her from exacting disastrous change. But Rick Perry is vastly more threatening. On day one he will arrive stomping in his shit kickers making wicked changes left and right. Our fuzzy friends and their homes and water supply will be fucked. Secular government will be a distant memory. Responsible corporate policy will be a pipe dream (more than it already is under that fucking asshole Obama). Necessary social programs will become fossilized memories on display for a new world order to gawk at. The concept of peaceful co-existence will be the stuff born of writers of future fiction. Rick Perry. You are dangerous. You are deplorable. You are the true enemy of civilization, both you and your ilk. In my non-humble opinion, you are developmentally delayed (or retarded as they say in your state of Texas). Wait a minute. Rick Perry is dangerous and “retarded”. Why then haven’t you put him in the electric chair yet, Texas? I say kill two turds with one throne.

So as some 9.1 million (or 47%) of Texans would say:

Paz gilipollas,


P.S. I know not all Texans are bumbling idiots (a.k.a. Austin), that’s why I have “faith” that they will be able to read between the lines. For you see, they’re a fuck ton smarter than the idiotic Republican citizens of their state and they know exactly what I’m talking about.

"Me tea party! Me no Republican! Me independent voter! Me vote Rick Perry 2012!"

The pain of the epic failure of Tuesday August 9th, 2011 still stings. It really stings. Making me... feel... feverish... a bit... hungry... if... you will... braaaains! Teeeeeetarrrrrrrd need braaaains!

Okay people. I have licked my still flowing wounds and fantasized about kicking the living shit out of teatards and have decided that I’m not going to let the defeat of the progressive agenda in this state for a generation to come prevent me from continuing with the necessary attack on the teatarded in our midst. These people are acrid shit stains that need to be disinfected and bleached time and time again. They’re like nasty pit stains on a white tee shirt that need vicious chemical treatment. Actually, check that. I just moved out of a one-hundred year old condemnable shit hole that was infested with mice and centipedes. Thankfully we have cats that enjoy playing with the vermin until their hearts give out. Despite that, we couldn’t take living there anymore and we left, but I guess what I’m saying is is that teatards are actually like vermin. The battle against them is long, arduous, and seemingly impossible, but before condemning the house (or state/country in this case) we need to release some vermin hunters first (like myself and perhaps more moderate people like Dale Schultz), to try and take back what is rightfully humanity’s. You see, teatards are not really part of humanity. They fight against it in the most oxymoronic display of foolish loyalty to the powers that be (corporations, religion, totalitarian government). Wait a minute. Are they zombies? Whatever they are, they empower civilization’s decline, destruction and failure, so as a result they should be afforded the same respect we don upon our vermin and insect and I guess zombie friends… complete and utter decimation. Merciless eradication. Unending hunting. I just wish my cats were bigger and more aggressive. Gotta admit, I like mice way more than teatards. Way more.

Zombie or Kim Simac? Is there really any difference? Oh wait, there is. Flesh eating zombies are vastly more rational and productive toward the betterment of civilization.

Anyway, I’ll admit I was surprised at Holperin’s victory over that tea tardy candidate Kim Simac. Really surprised. And he didn’t just beat her. No, no, no… he didn’t stop there. Jimbo fucking crushed Bimbo. She didn’t even come close. What was it, a ten point spread? That’s fantastic. The 45% retarded population that DID vote for her only prove my point. She was a REPUBLICAN candidate. She wasn’t really a tea tardy candidate, not by a long shot. Seriously, I still can’t quite get my head around how a district that went overwhelmingly for Walker in November voted for Holperin. Way to survive TWO recalls, senator. This victory is truly the one and only grand result from the summer of recalls. It has restored just a tiny bit of my “faith”. Don’t worry, a deluge of optimism will not be flooding my soul and subsequent entries. It will NOT take the Zorn out of the Sturm.

Now before any smart conservatards (I know, right?) try and remind me, I’m well aware that Holperin is fairly moderate, and even though moderation tends not to produce results and I don’t necessarily agree with how it is implemented in the political scene, it is vastly better than extremism… on ANY side. Though I still maintain my stance that leftist extremism is indisputably less destructive than that born from the right. In fact, I don’t think leftist extremism goes anywhere near as far from center as the right’s. Ever heard of a Glenn Beck equivalent from the left? Didn’t think so, assholes.

So at least poor Kim lost. Maybe now she’ll hang out exclusively at House of Boo’s (how incredibly clever!) bar in that glorious redneck shithole  Eagle River, WI she calls home. From this day forth I’d love to see her drown her teatarded dreams in Boo’s (Hahaha! I can be clever too! See what I did there? Jah? Fucking amateurs). In the end though, this summer only proved one thing: partisanship has grown and this state is irreparably divided. There will be no quick heals, no holding hands and hugging our neighbors. There will be no forgiveness and forgetfulness (I hope) despite Scat Wanker’s attempts to appear bipartisan. Trust me, this mega-turd is incapable of being in the middle, unless it’s in a sex sandwich with Davie and Chuckie Koch on a big pile of blood money. Maybe with Glenn Beck watching as he scours the book of mor(m)on for reasons why the right’s behavior is good and pure and just? Newsflash kooky cock fer Christ… it isn’t.

As for me, I know I whined and sulked and had a tantrum about this election. I’m still pissed. I still want heads to fucking roll. Hey! I never claimed I could be rational all the time. With insane brilliance and literary fucking genius comes the occasional instability. There’s a fault line right through me that snaps every once in awhile, releasing all the pent up energy. I’d rather deal with an occasional 2.9 than that one 9.8. So I’ll keep on writing. I’ll continue to deliver unto the masses my magnanimous prolegomenon. I’ll still attack the retard right every time they step out of line, but I’m mighty tired of hyper-focusing on the failures of this political age run into the ground by the conservatards and their teabagger leeches. It is disgusting. It is taxing. It is exhausting. It is disheartening. So I’m going to pull back from the political world a bit and sometimes address the plethora of other shit that pisses me off. So that’ll be fun, huh?



"God dammit!"

"Derpa derp! I told you I'd be vindicated! The retards... I mean voters approve overwhelmingly! What regressive legislation am I supposed to sign next, Davie? You need something Chuckie?"

Well that’s it folks. We’ve lost… commandingly… indisputably… undeniably. It’s over. The retards have spoken loud and clear and there is nothing to be done about it. The only real victory for the progressive agenda was the unseating of Kapanke, but should that really be applauded? LaCrosse is a liberal leaning district and even that victory spread was less wide than those won by the other conservatard incumbents. Even that cheating asshole Randy “bed” Hopper barely lost. Two percentage points may technically be a win, but that teeny tiny spread speaks volumes about the 49% of shitstains on the underwear that is humanity. Anyone else find it sickening that conservatards of all levels found his infidelity acceptable, but way back when Slick willy was getting his pole smoked in the oval office they were all over him like flies on shit, screaming about his horrible ways? Fucking hypocrites.

So the progressive agenda has failed in this, yet ANOTHER retard red state. Walker has been declared the ultimate victor on this day. There can be no disputing this fact. He is the grand champion. He and his regressive agenda have been lauded and reaffirmed by the voters of this state. The parade of delusion will most certainly carry on from the left, but they must come to grips with the fact that there is absolutely NO chance of a successful recall against this cretin. This lazy eyed, despicable mother fucker will now be able to carry on hacking, slashing, clear cutting, and sowing salt into the earth thus preventing any sort of compassionate agenda to ever re-enter Wisconsin politics for the next two decades. Not only will he be allowed to finish out his term, but he will be granted an additional term if he so chooses. All he has to do is run. We’re stuck with this lying retard elected by the… well, retarded.

"Oh man oh man oh man! Sure makes me happy to see the libturds runnin' fer dem hills near LaCrosse! I told them this was my fortress. Maybe now they'll listen!"

Walker’s a liar elected by the idiotic. Hear me loud and clear when I say that there has NEVER been a budget crisis here in Wisconsin. This was a political power grab and it worked flawlessly and it succeeded brilliantly. Walker knew he would not be brought into check, because he knows the Wisconsin people. He knew all along how ignorant, empty and/or villainous the majority of this conservatarded state is. He played this up, got elected, bided his time, and allowed the people (if they can be called that) to speak loud and clear… again and AGAIN. Walker won in November. Prosser got re-elected in April. The recalls failed in August. Seriously, how many more elections do we need to remind us of our abysmal inadequacies? Oh wait, that’s right. Two more next Tuesday. In the end this whole tumultuous election year has been about a bunch of selfish sycophants confirming undeniably their support for the conservatard agenda, an agenda that desires nothing more than to strip my gay friends of their rights to be happy and to tell my fiancee that she can neither use birth control nor have an abortion even if it means her life will be lost and to strip the environment of every last bit of fresh air, clean water, and healthy animals and to allow corporations to have civil rights that will undoubtedly surpass those of our own and to drive the unfortunate into destitution, stripping them of every ounce of hope.

"Run you lib. RUN! Tell all the other libs the ignorant are comin'! You tell 'em I'M coming... and hell's coming with me, you hear?... Hell's comin' with me!!!" .

The conservatard agenda has been vindicated. I say we shut the fuck up now and let the retards run the show. We gave it our best and we failed. It was an admirable effort, but stupid is as stupid does. These retarded mother fuckers are calling down the thunder and I say step back and let ’em have it. Stop resisting and let them run their destructive course. I hope we see their blitzkrieg agenda destroy lives. I hope unemployment soars and the middle class can no longer afford to make ends meet. I hope our credit rating drops further. I hope the new conservatard president inaugurated in 2013 (Prick Perry, another Texas asshole) wages even more wars in pursuit of oil. I hope our education crumbles and our children begin to score as incredibly high as our twin sister state Mississippi. I hope obesity and disease rates climb as our inadequate health care system becomes more so. I hope our economy fucking tanks, dropping us to the absolute bottom of all the other nations. I hope China crushes us on the development of renewable energy and become the new leaders of a new world order of environmental and social responsibility. I hope the divisiveness in politics drives families and friendships into ruin and this divide between the left and right widens to insurmountable lengths. As much as I respect Dale Schultz, centrism will never work so long as conservatards and their teatard leeches draw breath. I hope that things get so fucking bad that revolution is the only recourse. Bloody revolution. Chaos, disorder, death, destruction. There can be no other end. If we had here what is going on in London, I would applaud, ONLY if done with surgical precision against conservatarded leaders and those voters who support them and the corporate heads they so blindly devote themselves to. The thought makes me smile. It makes my heart quiver excitedly.

"I hereby declare this Choke a Bitch day!"

But it won’t happen… at least not right away. Progressives aren’t like that unlike conservatards who wage war on a whim. The world will indeed march on, but in time it will get sick and when the conservatards have sucked all of the life from this planet with their “Drill baby drillin'”  and their suburban sprawlin’ and their ocean poisonin’ and their human proliferation, nature (the ONLY “god”) will do more than the present shuddering. It will roar and shake the pesky human parasite from its in an attempt to save the worthy species upon its surface (every species but the human species). Our extinction moment is coming. Teatards, Koch bros, Walkerites, Palins, Bachmann’s, Limbaughs… all these parasites and more care nothing about the fate of the planet and by default humanity. They are charging us forward with their dangerous ignorance and lack of compassion. There is nothing we can do to prevent this. All I can do now is enjoy the time we have left. All I can do is enjoy the woman and friends by my side and defend them against the conservatards with my life if need be. I’ll gladly lay my life down against those despicable conservatarded beasts. All I can do is treat what nature remains with vastly more respect and compassion than any conservtard is capable of. All I can do is settle into my new and TEMPORARY life in a blood red state. All I can do is hope for the end times that will most likely bring about my destruction, but more importantly, also that of the teatards and conservatards and corporate fucking villains.

"Wait! So this means Sturm won't be standing outside of my window persecuting me for my belief that earth is six thousand years old? Praise Jeebus! Now that the liberal heathens have been defeated, I can continue my war on all those devil worshipping faggots!"

So I’m signing off.  I can’t fight this scourge any more. They win. There will be no more protesting. There will be no more public displays of defection. And more importantly, there will be no more blogging (fuck I still hate that term). I’m done. I’m out. I’m shutting this site down permanently. I’ll leave it up to season over the years for yours and my enjoyment, but know that I’ll be updating it no more. My energy will be better spent elsewhere, like living my life and trying to ignore the retard right (impossible, I know). In time I hope to heal this vicious burn in my fucking soul but that will undoubtedly take years. The anger is seething within me because I know that we as humans can do better. We should do better. We MUST do better. Oh, have no doubt. I’ll continue to be a lonely, determined humanist and help my fellow humans as much as I can. I’ll admit, it’ll be insanely difficult to not let him/her suffer if that needy individual is a conservatard. Do they really deserve my help when they live a life of ignorance and arrogance and hatred towards the innocent and towards this planet I love so much? I don’t think so. But I’ll cross that bridge when I have to. Helping those that offer nothing and actually detract from civilization, like teabaggers, is the ultimate conundrum. Wouldn’t I be doing more damage to this world if I took care of Walker or Fitzgerald or Harsdorf if they have a stroke? I think so. It makes my fucking head hurt. I’d rather let them lay in their own piss and shit until their skin breaks down and rots from their bones. But I won’t be able to do that, because unlike every conservatard, I have a conscience. I care about concepts that extend far beyond myself. That is why I am a VASTLY superior human being than every single mother-fucking one of these conservatards. In a way, despite this wickedly bitter and oppressive feeling of defeat, that makes me the true victor. It’s been real peeps. I thank you whole-heartedly for listening and wish the best of luck to my fellow progressive souls. We’re gonna need it. All of us, those toxic teatards included.





"Hey Dale. You and your ilk may have crushed the competion, but you're still an ignorant asshole."

Well he won folks… and commandingly. Hansen took some 66% of the vote up north. I predicted the wife beating competition would get 43% of the vote. Boy does it feel good to be wrong for once. That’s 9% fewer retarded voters up there than I thought. Still, I gotta wonder about that remaining 34% or so. What kind of people are they where they can vote for a scumbag like VanderBeast? Take this guy quoted in this article:

Dennis Arcand, a retired postal worker from Green Bay, voted for VanderLeest, saying the candidate’s legal issues were overshadowed by his positions on the issues.

“I believe he’s on the right side of the issue of getting the budget under control,” said Arcand, 55. “I think Dave Hansen’s a good guy, but on collective bargaining and the budget, that’s why I voted for Mr. VanderLeest.”

His legal issues were overshadowed by his positions on the issues? Really? So let me get this straight. A man can engage in despicable behavior (tax evasion, wife beating, witness intimidation par example), but if he merely regurgitates a steaming pile of the GOP food for its fragile fledglings, you’re all for him? Tell me, Dennis. Is it hard having to remind yourself to breathe 15-20 times per minute? You are a category 5 fucking moron, man. You are a taxation (something you teatards hate) on humanity and a mutation now fused into the genetic eons of time. You should drink the contaminated water Governor Goofy wants so desperately to bestow upon all of us and our animal friends. Drink deep, asshole.

"Hey y'all. Just wanna dispel ALL myths. I am indeed a natural blonde. No further questions will be answered on this. Freedumb isn't free! Say it with me! USA! USA! USA!"

Although my eternal realism made me worry unnecessarily about this race, there is one I am legitimately concerned about. It’s Holperin’s race. He’s up against a teatard and if I know Minocqua and the surrounding area… which I do… Holp’s in for a rough ride. The teatards are riled up in those parts, pointing fingers as dictated by their rethug, corporate masters. Have those assholes ever gotten any substantive scraps from republican tables? I didn’t think so, but surely they can’t be engaging in party worship without real cause, can they? Anyone? Anyone?

So turns out that senator Holperin’s competition is a bleached out, plasticized teatarded bimbo named Kim Simac. Ugh. Just looking at her makes me want to brush my tongue for an hour. But let’s give her a chance. Just who is Kimbo “the bimbo” Simac? Well, since you asked so politely, she’s president of… get this… this is very hard to say with a straight face… the… the… the Northwoods Patriots. Holy shit that’s comedic gold! Here’s their fucking facebook page.

The northwoods patriots (not capitalized to emphasize insignificance). What a joke. At least they have 204 fans… well 203 as I liked them just to spread seeds of wisdom to the teatarded in our midst. What do they stand for? Why are they patriots? Why are any assholes who scream about patriotism patriots? Because they do things without question. They don’t protest wars or social injustices prompted and promoted by their political party.  That’s what patriotism means to teatards. Unwavering support. Resistance to logic. Undying devotion to archaic, regressive philosophies. Listen. I don’t care what party you’re affiliated with. If its members act like assholes, then they should be destroyed. See you in a hundred years, Blajo!

Kimbo and her pathetic organization of 203 followers all base their organization on three snide and skew philosophies: faith, family, and country. Let’s break them down, shall we? Faith: anything NOT muslim, jewish, hindu, or miscellaneous. That’s right. Evangelical crazy christians. That is all. No one else need apply. This is an exclusive club. Call in the next five minutes and if you mention the correct age of the earth at six thousand years old, you get a lifetime membership! Family: anti-choice (not pro-life as they support dismantling the clean water act like Governor Walkie Talkie does and attacking abortion doctors and endless war and…). Oh, and it means teaching your kids the “good” and “pure” values of the aforementioned exclusive club. Country: War at all costs. Weapons of mass destruction… Freedom isn’t free… Take no prisoners… Never retreat, never surrender… These colors don’t run… United we stand… Never forget… God bless ‘merica… Support the troops… Did I miss any teatarded catch phrases? Post ’em if ya got ’em!

"I dunno what le...git... i...mate means. All I know is that... well what I think... you see... what I mean is... stupid brain. Ow! What was the question again? No, I'm okay. That was just my breathing stimulator kicking in to remind me to take a breath."

So Kimbo and her organization are teatards. I feel the desperate need to reiterate my stance on teabaggers. They are not, I repeat, NOT a legitimate party. They are Republicans, plain and simple. There has never been nor will there ever be a tea tardy candidate… EVER. They are Rethugs riding on a tsunami of ignorance voted into office by the ignorant, the racist, the mindless, the bitter, the gun totin’, the wife beatin’, and/or the short-sighted. EVERY teatard is a republican. There are NO exceptions to this rule. They’ll fight adamantly against this charge, but I have their voting patterns to back my accusation. They have always and will ALWAYS vote Republican and therefore they are Republicans themselves. Ever notice how tea tardy candidates always run as Republicans with a tiny disclaimer about tea tardy affiliation? Yeah, there’s a reason for that. The tea tardy is not a legitimate face on the political scene. It’s more like a blemish upon it, a sebaceous cyst if you will. Case in point: Ron’s Johnson. He’s a republican. He got into office because of teatards… well and his millions of silver fucking spoon dollars… but in the end, he only gave them a slight nod that hinted that he appreciates the support of their votes. It went something like this: “I did kind of spring out of the Tea Party” and that “I’m glad to be associated with it.” Sure he is. More fodder for the corporate pulp machine. Even Kimbo is running as a Republican because she knows… she fucking KNOWS… that the tea tardy is not a legitimate political party. Say it with me. The tea tardy is not a legitimate political party.

So anyway, back to Holperin. This guy’s been here before, during the time when state troopers from all districts were blazing their sirens to travel across this state at 130mph to intervene at the violent spear fishing protests in the 90’s. He won that time, but people weren’t nearly as teatarded back then. We didn’t have these defective human beings, these societal abominations called teabaggers (again, the disgusting people on the right, not the righteous sex act). I really don’t know what the future holds for senator Holperin. Only painful time will tell. It’s Jimbo v. Bimbo in a northern Wisconsin showdown. It’s a rumble in the bumble! Tune in next month. I just hope he doesn’t get speared through the back by her flag adorned cross from above her bed where all her children sleep with her in case the rapture comes during the night. Fingers crossed my friends… for those end times as much as a Holperin victory!