For each successful entry, I will celebrate with 6 Big Macs, 7 apple pies, 4 large fries, and a diet coke. Gotta watch the empty calories, doncha know?

With all my angry thoughts, I’m finding it hard to pick a first topic, so I’ll start from the beginning. I hate blogging. I hate any word that uses blog as a prefix. It’s an annoying phenomenon that has become pandemic. It’s basically a way for uninteresting fuckstains to write about the banal minutia of their days. It’s shit tons of data adding to the 500 plus exabytes that already exist on the Internets. This number rises every day because of these lackluster individuals who are scrounging for approval, begging for a tiny bit of attention. Guess what dumbfucks? Nobody gives a shit. Certainly not strangers. Not your cats, not your friends, not even your fucking family. Trust me. They don’t fucking care. If you’re journaling about eating bran fucking flakes for breakfast on a sunshine free Tuesday fucking morning, then chances are you’re too boring for human consumption. Knock it off. Stop wasting space on the “information super highway” (another fucktarded phrase).

And this Twitter shit? It makes it even worse. Just the other day my friend sent me a message that he was shoe shopping. Shoe shopping? Are you living an episode of Sex and the City? Fucking hell man. Let me call the New York Times. That shit is huge! Why the fuck didn’t you call me man? I could have bought my own 300-400 dollar Iphone (gay) and tweeted (even gayer) the shit out of that day with you. What’s more lame is just in case I was sitting at home drowning with incredulity at his reportedly amazing fucking life, that dipshit sent me a picture of the shoes he was considering. Idiot. Fuck off man. Go back and eat another bowl of bran flakes. I… don’t… care.

Are there interesting “blogs”? Absolutely. Some intelligent people actually have real and interesting shit to say that actually pertains to something important in our society. Here’s a question. Why can’t we call them something else? Why blogs? It’s so stupid. It’s the ADD generation getting off on stupid phrases. Some over-rated tech geek who can’t get off unless watching Japanese Anime (the fucking worst) with his pillow bitch combined the words web and log and he thinks he’s a genius? Guess again asshole. You’re far from it. Go back to pen and paper journaling you fucking amatuer. Although come to think of it that would waste trees. Tell you what. Just keep that shit inside. If you feel as though you’re going to explode with urgency, that you need to share it, whisper it into your cat’s ear. Just don’t be surprised if it turns its ass into your face to express its own opinion.

So I’m ending this agonizing trend now. It stops with me. Executive order assholes. I’m not a blogger. I’m not blogging. This is not a blog. I’m a writer. I’m writing. This is a website, a thread, a fucking online journal. That’s what you’re reading. Nothing more. Disagree? Get bent and go tweet your cat until he claws your fucking eyes out with boredom.