A simple mirror. Nothing special. $1.99 at Target. It will defend against the highest tech weaponry the U.S. Navy has to offer. Don't leave home without one, ladies and gents!

Ah, American imperialism. The wasting of money in the name of defense, in the name of homeland (in)security. This is the stuff of legend. There is no country too large for us to roll over in a quick wave of military force. And now we have super space age weapons on our side. Lasers! How fantastic. How powerful! How unbeatable! After a minute or so of a concentrated, uninterrupted, focused laser beam, our fearless fightin’ navy boys can set a boat engine on fire. There’s no stopping us now! Wait. What’s that the enemy placed around their motors? Mirrors. God dammit. Shut it down, guys. $30 billion in research just got sidelined by a $2 vanity product. How’s that for a military conquest?

Seriously. These fucking morons at the pentagon should have hired me. I learned about mirror defense (and subsequent offense) when I played laser tag in junior high. Reflect the attack back and try to hit those that attacked you. What a bunch of amateurs these military researchers are. Only the teabaggers and people that like watching NASTARD would get excited about this pile of meaningless bullshit. Perhaps 5 year olds too, you know, the demographic that actually likes Jar Jar Binks? I see nothing but failure in their futures.

Peace,

Sturm

"Meesa soooo happy. Meesa no longer dumbest creation in aaaaaaall history. Thankee Pentygon."

Advertisements