"I honestly just went there for the oysters, but the chick I ended up going home with had ones only about this big. Pretty sweet piece regardless, know what I'm sayin'!"

Paul. Paul Ryan. What can I say about this asshole that I haven’t already said about every other Repube? He’s a natural liar. He’s a pathetic bullshitter (only the teabaggers are eating up his liquid shit). He’s got meticulously managed hair (though Blagojevich would beg to differ). He smiles whilst kittens are tortured. He clings tight to his blind devotion to corporate America. He has delusions about a Dimocrat created budget crisis. He desires nothing more than to destroy any attempt at a compassionate, progressive agenda. Is that about it?

No, wait! There is something else. He’s a young and somewhat attractive politician by most standards. Ah. Right. The GOP is changing. They need to adapt. Their primary face has been frumpy, angry looking racists or deluded religious panderers or rich bureaucrats suffering from toxic levels of Viagra. Donald Trump, Newt Gingrich, Tim Pawlenty, Haley Barbour, Governor Goofy, those two cunts I will not name. These figureheads just look plain fucking stupid. I think they can destroy brain cells with just a look. The GOP’s representatives either look mentally incapacitated or pure evil (Koch bros anyone?). The time to change that is now.

It seems that the GOP have decided they need younger blood to throw off the scent of their cruel, antiquated and barbaric agenda. They need to sell their plan, but only to the moronic moderates and bobble-headed baggers. They need a younger guy the dipshit teabaggers (like hometown Janesville, Wisconsin local yokels who live in bars) can identify with. They need to offer eye candy to the young, battered wives married to those aforementioned shitstains who will blacken their eyes if they are 30 seconds late with their Miller Lite (gotta save calories to gorge on Krispy Kremes doncha know) after a hard day’s work of building shit and being free of legal responsibility. It’s all part of the plan… and it’s working.

Fuck Paul Ryan (and his Ayn Rand dystopian vision for the little guy’s future). He may be young, charismatic, and a good speaker (actually mediocre), but he reeks of horseshit and freshly printed corporate dinero (I mean money. Sorry, forgot I need to speak American lest I be deported at the hands of the retards). Bottom line is, I’m not buying his shit. He might be able to smoke screen the dim witted like he’s some brilliant illusionist, but when he claims his budget will not dismantle social programs like Medicare, you can be assured he’s lying. Yet those that depend on it, you know, people like the old man at the capitol who claimed I didn’t work and that he (or maybe his father at this point) killed Japs and Krauts so I could protest and be a freeloader? You know, those assholes? They STILL support the GOP. “Ah. That fine young Paul Ryan. Such a wise and noble leader. He reminds me of me when I was sticking it in French resistance whores. Grand memories. He can do whatever he wants with my future. I only have four months left anyway before my pecker cancer takes out my lungs.”

Do any of us really have what it takes to tell Governor Goofy or the GOP what we think of their scorched earth agenda? Methinks not.

Oh well. They need not worry anymore. My loud days of protesting are done. I’ve retired. I’m done being a “freeloader”. I handed over my Solidarity band to a worthy heir. He can hang it up on his State Street bar’s wall and remember the days when Sturm Von Zorn walked in for many a happy hour, tired from a day of yelling. Those days are done, because they didn’t mean anything. They didn’t do anything. Like my wise bar owner friend said, the only time shit changes is when people die, like the 250 in his birth place of Tunisia (the first of which engaged in self-immolation. Ish). But then I have to say. Have things really changed there? Will Tunisia truly be better off when it comes down to it, or will their corruption now just mutate into the difficult to see and more difficult to fight corruption of the good ‘ol U.S. of A? And then it sets me thinking. What will the future Tunisian Paul Ryan look like as he spews lies to fight against the evil progressive agenda? Will he hang out with his Janesville equivalents at a Hooter’s in Tunis and spoon feed them lies out of oyster shells talkin’ ’bout that waitress’ sweet titties over Millers? Can’t wait to find out. God bless ‘merica and her young “democratic” copy cats.

As-Salāmu `Alaykum,

Sturm

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