"OMFG!!! dat Sturm guy writes UzN 2 mNE wrds. knO wot I mean? c U @ d mall l8r!"

This steaming pile of bullshit from Yahoo! made me lol, say omfg, and then rofl like a mo fo. Idiotic “journalism” ftw!

Enough of that gen ADHD SMS crap. I’m going to say it comprehensibly. Chris Kyle (the author) is a fucking tool. A dull, rusted one that sits in the bottom of your tool box and remains unidentifiable for the next thirteen generations of owners. Fuck you Chris (I’m sure this is him).  I am also 99.99% sure that this ignorant, short-sighted shit stain in a thirteen year old’s underwear works here and that this is his email. I spent an hour and a half searching for this asshole and boy was he hard to find. Since Blahspoo! offers no easy way to either contact or complain about the authors of their shit articles, I feel like starting a harass Chris “the ‘tard” Kyle campaign via endless emails. I know I’ll personally be emailing him to call him out on his bullshit. I hate this irresponsible asshole. This guy is Cyber Idiot in the pole position… for the moment. If this is NOT the correct Chris Kyle, then I promise to offer my sincere and humble apologies and retract his email from this page.

So anyway, let’s look at his plethora of knowledge (a.k.a. bullshit) on how to search for a job. I mean fucking hell, he’s the VP of Sales and marketing at Shentel, so he must know what he’s talking about, right? I mean Achoo! is letting him write front page fucking articles, so he must know his shit, am I wrong? Let’s break down his job categories and influencing television shows. Keep in mind, what he’s saying is that if you like the listed shows/movies, then you should consider dedicating the remainder of your professional lives to those types of jobs portrayed. This should be good.

"Drugs are good. Drugs prescribed by me are better. Hey nurse! Get me a fucking coffee, toots!"

Health Care: House, Scrubs, Grey’s Anatomy, ER. ROFL (Not really. I neither rolled on the floor nor laughed, kids). These fucking shows are undoubtedly mirror images of the health care world, Chris. You are an astute son-of-a-bitch, you know that? How do you know the medical world so well? Do you have a father who is a doctor like House (a narcotic addict, an insufferable asshole who can’t be decent to his colleagues, and a king of sexual harassment)? What about Grey’s? Hey Chris! Do you have a slutty sister that managed to fuck her way through med school and her concurrent residency? Do you even know what a residency is, you retard? And Scrubs? It’s a slap stick comedy that has very little to do with being or becoming a doctor. WTF!!! Oh Christopher, ur 2G2B4G!!! Now I’ll admit, I like watching House once in a while, but there is nothing about that show that would even remotely make me (or hopefully any moderately sane person) want to become a drug addicted, angry, philandering doctor. We don’t need any more of those assholes. Oh, and Chris? FYI, all of those shows are about doctors, not “health care” as a whole. Nurses get occasional mentions in ER, but even they go on to become doctors in the show, as if that’s the next logical evolutionary step in their road to professionalism. Fucking assholes. And another reality bite the writers skip over is that in 100% of health care settings, nurses, NURSES do the vast majority of work, not doctors. I promise you Chris, you would have found that there are A LOT of facets of health care if you had perhaps dedicated 45 seconds more to your obviously exhaustive study. What about physical therapy, speech therapy, pharmacy, nursing, medical imaging, coding, filing, surgical tech, dietary, central supply, IT development, etc., etc? You’ve offended every one of these health care workers with your ignorant, lame brain, tangent of a pseudo-thought. Oh, wait. There was that janitor prick in Scrubs. I think I’m following you now. No I’m not, dumbass.

The world of advertising: Alcoholism, sadism, sexism, masochism... any other isms I mism'd?

Business: Mad Men, The Apprentice, The Office, Wall Street. LOLS all around. This section really did make me LMAO. My ass LITERALLY fell off. No it didn’t you ADHD shitwits. Mad Men. Mad Men? Mad fucking Men?! I’M A MAD GOD DAMNED MAN READING THIS CRAP!!! Has this retard ever even watched a single episode of that show? It’s not supposed to be a literal translation, a take it at face value show about ad execs and their official job duties. It’s not an instructional video, Chris, it’s a commentary on the corruption, sadism, sexism, and over-indulgence of the post-war 50’s and 60’s (greatest generation my ass)! What an idiot! “Hi kids! I’m Chris “the ‘tard” Kyle and I’m here to talk to you about your future. Do you like drinking scotch at nine a.m.? Do you like subjugating your wife to verbal and borderline physical abuse? Do you want a job where you can have a secretary named sugar tits who will deflect your wife’s calls and spread her legs wide 24 hours per day on your sleazy leather couch? If you said yes, then an advertising executive (like me at Shentel) is the position for you! Do you like lying, stealing, raping dreams, and cheating your way to the top? Then there’s a desk (or a 6 inch by 6 inch area standing on a floor) on Wall Street waiting for your undereducated and unethical tush! Apply now to start your exciting new careers today!” And The Office?! Really Chris? A comedy (extremely debatable if referring to the U.S. version) about an inept, bumbling fuck stain of a boss (wait, is it about you?) who would be fired after episode 4 is supposed to make people run out and submit applications for a business setting? Oh, wait a minute. We ARE talking about Gen ADHD here, that’s right. Brainless fodder for the job market pulp machine. You might be onto something.  No you’re not, dipshit.

"Working on the Meet the Parents Franchise has taught me one thing. How fucking glad I am that I'm not a nurse in real life. It's crazy the stereotypes society makes those horny, drug addicted ladies deal with!"

Nursing: Nurse Jackie, HawthoRNe, Meet the Parents, Mercy. Really Chris? You want to argue with me, a fucking RN, about nursing and how these shows portray the “profession”? I’ve never seen HawthoRNe (wow, For sUre you jaCK OF all trades are Flipping supeR clEver in The ARticulate use of caps miD titleS!) or Mercy and don’t care to waste time with an idiotic synopsis. I’m sure they are chock full of lame-brained stereotypical inaccuracies. But Nurse Jackie is a crotchety, angry nurse (because of abusive idiots like you and your malignant stereotypes for starters) who needs Vicodin and Adderall to get through her work days. She’s a drug addicted bitchy nurse. Like all nurses, she is subjected to work place abuse which furthers her dependence on drugs and bad behavior. And Jackie’s “balance” within the show? She’s a naive young nurse who tries to remain jubilant through all of the abuse (yes nurses are constantly abused). All this stupid martyr of a young nurse does is enable those who abuse by hiding and crying instead of kicking some fucking ass (maybe they develop her character later, but why does anyone fucking care?). Two personality extremes. Neither one admirable. Nice one, Chris. You have the thought processing power of an aphid. Too bad you’re not as useful. Then we have Meet the Parents. I happened to like this movie (NOT the sequel which was heinously pathetic). It was funny as fuck in spots because it ripped on nursing, something I love to do as I hate it so profoundly. It was an accurate reflection on what society ignorantly thinks about nursing. Did I ever tell you all that I hate nursing? I seriously love shredding that “profession” every chance I get. But still the movie pissed me off at the same time because a) I was a young nurse and b) it promotes/condones nursing stereotypes (I’m a dichotomous asshole, get over it. I’m a nurse, so I have a right to rip on it from first hand experience). How does this film promote stereotypes you ask? Because of all the negative shit it said about nursing. It was doctors making fun of nursing, claiming nursing is easy and far less important. The entire two hour movie was this “male nurse” getting made fun of for being a nurse. “You’re just a nurse? Why didn’t you go to med school? Too hard for you? Are you SUUURE you aren’t ga… ga… Guffaw!” Being a “male nurse” was basically the two hour fucking punchline. His own fucking girlfriend barely defended him. Ungrateful bitch. That movie is supposed to make young people want to become a nurse? How, Chris? Give me one reason why after watching that movie anyone would sign up for nursing school? BTW, shithead. You claim the “pay is great too” in this section of your article. FYI, it isn’t. Not with all the copious amounts of figurative and literal shit we have to deal with every minute of every day. We are more abused than any other “profession”. You can’t argue with facts. Come out from behind your desk and do my job for a day and you’ll see, shit wit. But then again, as that genius Senator Franken  would paraphrase, “You’re not good enough, you’re not smart enough, and doggone it, people don’t like you.” You fail, Chris.

"Come! Join the FBI! Fight crime with me and me and me and me..."

The list goes on and on and fucking on in this asshat’s article. It’s unbelievable! Silence of the Lambs made the cut?! Hey kids! Does your cunt smell? Do you desire to have a pseudo-relationship with a serial killer whilst he helps you fight crime? Do you dream of screaming lambs? Then apply with the FBI!  CSI and Law and Order: Do you believe that every crime is formulaic and can be solved exactly the same way within 52 minutes? Do you believe that the first person investigators interview is usually the guilty party? Then get a criminal justice degree or law degree and head down to your local law enforcement agency/ law firm and apply today! Oh wait, even lawyers can’t get jobs in this market. Glee: Do you like working intimately with a group filled with every single gender and social fucking stereotype? Do you like being talked down to for having a more feminine job (cough, cough, nursing, cough, cough) than a gym teacher? Then get a teaching degree and apply today! Oh wait. Teachers can’t get jobs these days because the incompetent remain in their positions. And with teabaggers and this ignorant asshole voting, the arts will soon become a distant memory anyway.

Do you see a pattern here with Chris “the ‘tard” Kline’s “thinking”? His connection of the dots isn’t even close to rudimentary. A pre-schooler has more sense than this guy. Basically what he has done with this article is sent a bunch of bumbling idiots out into the fray of a very difficult and necessary set of professions ( especially teachers, doctors and nurses). With one ignorant hour sitting at his computer typing away, he’s done and will continue to do immeasurable and irreparable damage to these very skilled professions because naive, impatient, and downright stupid children will read his article and suddenly realize that THEY want to be socially inept doctors, or drug dependent nurses, or abuse inviting nurses, or male nurses, or ass grabbing ad execs, or feminine choir teachers, or soft spoken FBI agents. But the reality is they should stick with jobs that are far safer for the public and will much better suit them: bitter, angry janitors. Or maybe, just maybe they should apply for the VP of sales and marketing at Shentel. “Hi kids! I’m Chris “the ‘tard” Kyle and I’m stepping down from my position here at Shentel for undisclosed reasons. Do you like spouting off ignorant shit 24 hours per day? Do you like misguiding the naive and endangering the future of the American workforce? Do you like writing brainless “business” articles to inflate your already ridiculous executive pay and ego? Do you want to live below the Mason Dixon line where good christian values guide our lives and keep the niggers where they belong: in the inner city bein’ lazy? Then go ahead and apply today at chris.kyle@emp.shentel.com.  Good luck in this job market kids! Y’all come back now, y’hear? Guffaw.”

Sounds like Generation ADHD is more than qualified to fill his position.

Peace,

Sturm