“John Daker’s going to sing a song that’s popular now-a-days, it’s called Christ the Lord is Risen Today to Claim the Souls of all Those Devil Worshipping Faggots.”

Remember a couple entries ago when I sort of defended the united methodist church? I said if you have to have the mental illness of religion, then pick being a methodist as it is essentially the lesser of all the evils? Well, I take it back. Turns out they are just as awful as the rest of ’em. Turns out the church has reaffirmed its stance that homosexuals are not people, that they are not welcome in the church because they are abominations… well their words were a bit more subtle, but the message is all the same. How did they word it? Oh right, homosexuality is “incompatible with Christian teaching”, that’s right. How wonderfully tender of them… and how patronizing.

Know what this “christian teaching” includes? Women must be quiet (1 Timothy 2:12). Slave owning is acceptable (1 Peter 2:18). FYI: These first two are from what methodists refer to as the kinder and gentler new testament. If you lie you die (Zechariah 13:3 NAB). I mean every fucking chapter in this awful waste of trees talks about god killing, maiming, being jealous, and razing the earth with natural disasters, especially if gays live there. So basically if you beat your wife, beat your slave to within an inch of his life, take an eye for an eye, and kill those who disagree (like fags), then that petulant toddler god you worship will love you and save your wicked and warped soul… and I haven’t even touched the countless other wonderful humanist teachings stuffed in there. The good book indeed.

This one book, printed more than any other, has done irreparable damage to the progression of human civilization. If it had never existed, who knows how great and advanced our civilization would be.

I used to think methodists didn’t think this way, but it turns out they do. They are horribly mutated and malignant antitheses of humanity. They have suddenly joined the ranks of great anti-intellectuals like frothy discharge, Mitt “the bully” Romney, Republicans, and every single idiot that believes prayer will fix even the simplest god-damned thing. Turns out the joke’s on these methodist idiots though, because as I’ve said before, Jesus was definitely gay. Oh yes, christian stupor soldiers, if he were alive today he’d be having a ball in Rio every year. I mean for Christ’s sake, Christ hung out with twelve sweaty men in the desert eating olives, bread, oil, fish and drinking home made wine. I bet Jesus was a master host, don’t you think? Seriously, what do you think they did that whole time, talk about their feelings? That can only entertain for so long. If he existed and if he were alive today, he’d be ashamed of every single mother fucker that dares call themselves christian in his name. These people care not for the well being of their fellow humans, only garnering more jewels for their crowns by “saving” souls. Christians in all forms are wicked beings disguising themselves as kind and caring citizens. It’s a travesty. It’s sadistic. It’s wicked beyond compare. It would be like an anti-semitic, racist creating an entertainment empire aimed at children. No one can possibly get away with that shit for very long.

Methodist idiots of the world, gather around this symbol of torture and oppression. Spread god’s word like ebola! Torture the non-believers as the Romans tortured their subjects! Smite the incompatible homos! Oh, and Praise the lord!

I shouldn’t be surprised at all of this, but I am. I guess it’s because I was raised methodist, because my parents were actually kind and welcoming methodist pastors who stood with open arms to embrace all people, no matter the color of their skin, the shade of their history, or the benign desires of their heart. I always thought the united methodist church was one of the good guys, that they had humanity’s best interests at heart. I was so desperately wrong. You know, even though I cut the church out of my life long ago in order to save my withering soul, my dead methodist pastor father taught me well what he thought being a christian means. It means caring for those less fortunate. It means loving this earth that we are on for such a short time and leaving it better than we found it. It means sacrificing yourself for the betterment of humanity as a whole, not one tiny insignificant segment. Now I don’t call myself a christian. I never have and I never will. It’s insulting to me and worse, it’s one of the most misleading, disingenuous and dangerous labels in all of human history. But you know what? I am far more “christian” than any christian alive and that is something I can take great pride in. I caught them in their lies. I beat them at their own game. I am far more worthy of an imaginary soul saving than any of them. Sure, I won’t turn the other cheek (not that they really do) and I would most definitely kill to defend those I love. I even antagonize, belittle, and attack the ignorant, racist, and dangerous (i.e. religious followers, republicans, etc.) in our midst. Of course some would say all of these behaviors counter my humanist convictions, but they don’t. They actually strengthen those convictions because unlike christians, I desire that humanity survives and even thrives through this darkening age that we have entered. Because as I’ve said many times before, we can and we should and we must do better than we are doing, otherwise who gives a fuck about our petty “souls”. They aren’t worth a fucking shit anyway. Religion prohibits this advancement, it refuses to allow us to progress beyond our feeble egocentrism. And for that I reject it in its entirety. You know what? My dead methodist pastor father would be quite proud. Sturm: 1. Christians: 0.



“Jesus Christ, finally, some peace and quiet. Matt, Mark, and Luke were driving me nuts. ‘We can’t wait to write about all this!’ they kept shrieking. ‘We can’t wait!’ Idiots will probably totally take my shit out of context. I think the only one of those assholes I’ll miss is Judas. How fucked is that? Hey guard! I’m tappin’ out. Spear me, bro!”