I’m exhausted. I’m fed up. I’ve been a nurse too long. My soul is fucking devoid of hope. Why you ask? There are a million reasons why, but at this present moment upon this very day, it is because I am a slave to the immoral, to the corrupted souls that have sworn an oath to protect and to do no harm. That’s right. I’m talking about those assholes that supposedly abide by the Hippocratic oath: doctors, or in my case specifically, surgeons.

My anger started with watching those asshole doctors at Gabrielle Giffords’s press conferences. A bunch of smug fucking assholes, smiling into the camera, offering their words of “hope” (there isn’t much) of a “full recovery” (not fucking likely) all the while rolling in sickening amounts of money in the name of life-saving and savoring their 15 minutes of national fame. Sadistic, greedy fame whores. Hippocrates’s hypocrites. Every shit spewing one of ’em.

"Hey 'lil man. I like you... a lot."

For you non-medical shitwits who support the god complexes of these assholes, buy into their copious amounts of honey laced, C-diff infested shit and don’t know what the Hippocratic oath is, it speaks of the fundamentals of an ethical practice of medicine and a commitment to “do no harm.” It is a doctor’s code. It is not required to practice, but it is symbolic of their practice, and it is complete bullshit. It was widely believed to have been formulated by, no surprise, Hippocrates who was… how do I put this lightly… a pederast? He was a sweaty, bearded, Greek boy fucker. This, my disillusioned friends, is the father of western medicine. A man who liked to stick his fuckstick into tight 11 year old boy anus (I’m all about fresh goods, but really?) is the father of every hypocritical asshole that does repeat brain surgery on hopeless head injury victims, places feeding tubes into patients that have no fucking hope of life after incapacitation, and charges exorbitant amounts of money for every consult and redundant procedure.

How are they hypocrites? Because they ARE doing harm by their very existence. Every time they make their selfish decisions based on the number of car payments, mortgages, and pieces of bling for their cunt wives, they are torturing and profiting off of those they have sworn to protect and to care for. Take one of the newer surgeons from University Wisconsin Hospitals and Clinics. One night I entered into a conversation with some workers talking about after their shift (it’s amazing the info you can get from a bunch of drunk medical professionals). Fuck. I wish I could use this surgeon’s name, but right now he shall remain anonymous. When my ode to all that is unholy in nursing book is finally written, I shall re-evaluate this policy and perhaps offer up names with atrocities (infections, money earned, “mishaps”, and deaths, etc.) listed in factual and legally impervious representation. But for now, I shall refer to any surgeon as one of the following: doctor, surgeon, sir, MD or Satan’s Asshole (or some derivative of this). I’d call them criminal masterminds, but few of them are that smart or have that much foresight beyond money and fame when you examine them closely.

So Satan’s asshole. He’s apparently a newer surgeon. Nice enough guy at face value I’m told, but when you get down to it, he’s a greedy fucking slug who slithers around the hospital searching for billing opportunities. And boy does he find them. Cha-ching bitches! I feel kind of bad giving actual slugs a bad rep equating them with this guy, but I can’t think of any other creature right now… Wait, what about this single celled abomination? Yeah. That’ll work better because slugs actually help to better the world through their menial tasks. Anyway, Satan’s asshole apparently bought his fiancee a 50k… that’s FIFTY MOTHER FUCKING THOUSAND… dollar engagement ring. Wanna know the best part about it? I was told that this surgeon’s fiancee came in

This lazy citizen is claiming a disability from a diamond trade "mishap". Typical bleedin' heart liberal, suckin' on the teet of American taxpayers.

to the hospital to visit her walking gold mine and actually covered, she COVERED, her ring with her hand. She was embarrassed to show off her ring. Hilarious. A joke with a 50k price tag. You can’t put a price on great humor. Sucks to be you Satan’s asshole. So how does he pay for this environmental and humanitarian atrocity called a diamond ring? Those aforementioned billing opportunities. Nay, REDUNDANT billing opportunities. He draws CSF (cerebrospinal fluid) off of his patients to send for testing. Total time spent: 2 minutes. Total money earned: $250 dollars. Seeing his wife smile as she is presented with a new, more environmentally (not really), socially (not a chance), and aesthetically (meh) pleasing ring: Fucking priceless (for him and for us because it’s one less spoiled vagina sulking about).

Satan’s asshole would do this procedure sometimes 5 times a week. That’s $1250 dollars a week for 10 minutes of work. Prorated that’s $7500 dollars an hour. Of course does he get all that cash? No. It’s split between him and his shady, corrupting, all powerful employer, the hospital, but he gets a healthy cut, have no doubt.

I don’t want to get off track. This guy is perhaps not directly harming a patient, but he certainly doesn’t have his patient’s best interest in mind. He’s chasing the almighty Yankee dollar. Which means he is open to fucking up big time. He’s also putting his patient in harm’s way. Every redundant procedure increases a patient’s risk for infection or other physical complication that will extend his/her hospital stay leading to even more risk for further complications (hospital born infections, depression, etc).

"Wait, wait, wait. Dale said what? Jesus Christ he really is a "niggar" hater."

How about actual harm these assholes across the nation deliver unto us? There is a patient I work with presently. She had a stroke. Her entire right side is fucking gone. There’s nothing. Not even a flicker. She follows no commands. She doesn’t speak. She can’t eat. She sometimes can’t swallow her own fucking spit without coughing. She’s fed through a tube. All this poor woman can do is sit and stare at me with eyes that flicker with anger and hopelessness. I think she knows her situation, the bleakness and desolation of her future that extends into a distant horizon lined with fucking towering blackness. No, Dale, I’m not talking about “that Negro boy in the White House” and his liberal (actually social responsible) agenda. I can’t prove it because she can’t talk, but something tells me when I look into her sad eyes that she knows that her future holds nothing. The only time she reacts to any one on any level is when her husband walks in and she begins to cry softly. This woman is being tortured. She’s being punished for something she is unaware of, for something neither she, nor anyone did. She’s being used and abused as a source of profit, like fucking cattle in a stanchion.

Who did this? Who could get away with this? Who could lead such an ethically devoid lifestyle? Who? The master and its dark servants, of course: the hospital and surgeons. A twisted machine. A financial juggernaut. An unstoppable force that shapes our very destinies and grinds us into pulp in the name of morality and humanity. But there’s no morality within these people (surgeons, hospital board members, CEO, etc). Not a shred. Not one… fucking… bit. I question if they are even fucking human.

This woman never had a chance and her surgeon, Satan’s Browneye, knew that. He held that information from her loved ones, he held it close to his chest, allowing them to cling to hope like shit clings to the inside of a toilet bowl. And now that hope is dried there, never to be washed away no matter how many times the toilet is flushed. Let me tell you something. People rarely recover from an injury of her magnitude to even a fraction of “normal” function.  Her life now is what it will forever be. Meals through a tube at 80 milliliters per hour, turns every 2 hours to prevent bedsores, pissing the bed every four hours, and the occasional satisfying shit that spreads up and over the patient. Nice life. Satan’s Browneye sealed this fate for her. He couldn’t let her die with dignity. He had the power to be rational and free her, but he didn’t. Instead he chose to listen to his cunt wife whine about how she hates the color of her Aston Martin and then cave like a shriveled, lubricant free pussy and buy her a new one. He had to preform every “life-sustaining” measure to buffer his bank account. Someone should kick the fuck out of him and leave him to bleed into his brain face down in a snow bank. If I could I fucking would.

This woman’s case is far from rare and even further from the worst. Some people only have basic brain stem functioning and they are still “saved” at all costs. Know what that means?  It means their brain is only capable of maintaining basic life, namely a heartbeat and breathing… wait a minute… kind of like the teabaggers and this asshole. Some fucking life, huh? These asshole surgeons around the world ought to be tortured as they torture, left to rot in their piss and shit. But they won’t. Justice rarely seeks out the unjust. It latches on to the weaker of our species, torturing them into submission for acts they didn’t commit. Is it some kind of twisted Karma? Is it just shit luck? I don’t know.

What I do know is countless surgeons are UN-ethical. They are criminals. The worst part is they are protected by the law. They cannot be sued beyond paltry settlements that will not even pay for the grieving family’s court costs thanks to legislative protection. They are the only people that are allowed by law to strip every right away from you. They can commit you against your will and detain you indefinitely with just a word and their “professional opinion”. You… have… no… rights. Especially in Wisconsin where Walker Wisconsin Ranger’s, a.k.a the constipated gopher‘s conservative agenda will empower them even more. Doctors can trash your wishes and ignore your pleas and perform grave malpractice without fear of real consequence. There is little to stop them.

Take one of these, insert it in an orifice of your choice and twist four times per day.

But there is a faint, flickering light of hope. There is something you can do. Fill out your advanced directives. Tell people you don’t want “life” as the money hungry surgeons and their vile masters define it. Set up a power of attorney (POA) for your health care. Although Satan’s Sphincter can still override these legally documented wishes to make a dollar while telling your POA to go fuck a pitchfork, maybe you’ll get lucky. Maybe when you have a stroke or crash your car or break your neck or get shot in the head by a crazy fucking asshole in Arizona, you’ll be treated by one of those rare ethical surgeons who sincerely wants to do right by you, who will tell your loved ones when there is no hope left to cling to, who will let you die with dignity as our ancestors have been doing for millions of years. Perhaps you’ll find one who does what he and his pederast forefather vowed to do: Not be a hypocritical, power hungry asstard who wants nothing more than to fuck your life and reap the financial rewards of its fallout.

Until next time.