"No. It's in this book. I can hate, judge, cheat, batter, belittle, and bully as much as I want. Jesus told me so. He's coming to pick me up on Saturday. Huh? At what time? Uhhhhh... six...thirty...ish???"

Have I ever told you guys about my extreme love of religion? How can you not love religion when you have creepy walking corpses like the guy in the picture to the right predicting the end of the world this weekend. I hope this pederast is right, because I really don’t want to have to see assholes like this spouting off their hate speech for one more day. I’d rather spend the rest of eternity gnashing my teeth in an imaginary sauna with my fellow humanists. Why would I want to spend an eternity with misogynists, pedophiles, homophobes, racists, and dimwits? I’ve spent enough time in Wisconsin already. Besides, if the only thing you read is the bible, or if it is your favorite “book”, then you are a moron and I don’t want to spend five seconds with you. You are uninspiring and ignorant. I’ve read the bible. Besides being written by people… I mean MEN… vastly dumber than me, it is fucking BORING. It’s a bunch of really shitty stories that make me want to read the Twilight Saga just to be able to say I’m busy with a different, uninspired shit fest, one that I’ll be able to laugh at just as much and not waste nearly as much time doing so.

So get out there, readers. Enjoy your last day of freedom. Try to fit all the sins into one crazy festival. Lust, greed, gluttony, adultery… maybe murder a teabagger? Nah. Just enjoy all the sex ‘n food you can in the next twenty four hours. I’m sure that creepy religious leader has been all along. He’s probably got a  long line of battered women waiting on his mini-pope 24/7. Probably a few ten year olds too just to keep things fresh.

I’m sure I’ll be writing to you next week, but in the off chance the world is destroyed by that pesky level 87 elite dragon Deathwing with 858 million hit points, it’s been fun. See you in the sauna. I’ll warm it up for ya and have a few Hendrick’s G&Ts ready too.