"Cool story, bro. But you see, when I said hope and change, I meant related to Sasha and Malia's financial future. Book deals, speaking tours, public appearances... you know shit important peeps like me get to do. Ching bitches! Fuck the pelicans and polar bears. I'm B. to the H. to the mother fucking O. Myyyy bullshit brings all the libs to the polls... my lies are betta than yo's!"

I know a lot of people think I am a die hard libturd in unwavering support of Obama, but they’re wrong… of course teabaggers are always wrong, so what’s new? I’m gonna be brutally honest. I don’t like Obama. I don’t like him at all. Not only is he a member of the party of ineffectuality, but he’s a pussy (no disrespect, ladies. I love your pussies) and a panderer and it’s all because in the end he supports the corporate agenda. He is a corporate tool, a smooth talking, R&B swaggering corporate tool. I believe he honestly believes in the snide and skew philosophies of his “conservative” counterparts. Why else has he side stepped important issues, turn coated on sensitive topics, and coddled them every step of the way? Because he’s fucking one of them. His decision to open up further drilling contracts in the Gulf of Mexico and Alaska only prove this. This, along with his support of a pipeline through delicate ecosystems from Canada to Texas, is the final straw. I am no longer on your side Barack. Your administration will never have my support again.

"Oh cripes, I tells ya! It sure was great when that Indonesian guy Osama decided to come to my DBD party! There isn't any party like a drill baby drill party, doncha know? Say it ain't so mo fo! Cripes I love this new jiving, hip talking urban me!"

I mean what in the name of Christ’s holy shit is this guy thinking? He may as well be holding hands with that single celled abomination called Sarah Palin while chanting “Drill baby, drill!” or singing “We shall underwhelm!” He’s an ineffectual. He’s a panderer to the ignorant. He’s a right leaning “moderate” piece of shit, no doubt about it. Sure, he opened up stem cell research during his first week on the job and then nearly three years later he wisely ended don’t ask don’t tell, but what the fuck else has he accomplished that is filled with even the slightest level of moral responsibility? Moral responsibility… that’s something conservatives and their teabagger leeches scream about but in the end have no true understanding of. They sure as shit don’t have a moral compass… maybe an immoral sextant? Perhaps. Whatever it is, it certainly is driving them into the depths of depravity. And Obama’s going with them. Fucking teabaggers. Did I ever tell you how much I hate teabaggers? What do you do with such a rampant vermin infestation?

So we’re drillin’ baby, drillin’. Exciting isn’t it? Ushering in a new era of environmental and social responsibility? I’m sure glad we had the warning shot of the Gulf oil spill two summers ago to set us on the path of responsibility. It’s really refreshing to see that the Obama administration is holding tight to those lessons and ushering in punitive legislation for those who endanger the people and more importantly the other wildlife of this planet. What’s that? They’re not? Oh yeah, that’s right. That’s just my pesky, hippy libturd idealism shining through. It always blinds me to the reality of the 60% plus majority of higher functioning apes who want to mine, scrape, chop, burn, crush, crumble, boil, drill, split, grind, yank, and suck every ounce of “god given” resources from this planet… like that teabaggin’ piece of shit Herman Cain. Remember his ANWR stance? His war on the arctic wildlife? His bullshit belief in arctic sovereignty? Fuck that guy. He’s a dangerous human being (I use this term human loosely).

Guess what suckers? Obama’s just like him. What a disheartening fucking asshole Barack turned out to be. I fell for it, and I’m pissed as hell. He, like Scatt Wanker… I mean Scott Walker, campaigned on lies (I know, what politician besides Feingold doesn’t). But these lies hurt us immensely, ALL of us no matter how you voted in ’08. He promised to usher in new responsible legislation for the future of this planet. Social, environmental, and financial responsibility. Hooray! Fuckin’ a! He also spread that hope and change bullshit around like feces in an 18th century insane asylum, but he did nothing to move in that direction. Nothing. Why couldn’t he be more like Bush and bully an agenda through, namely those environmental and social change ones he PROMISED us? Why couldn’t he move this teatarded country forward by moving us to renewable energy like he PROMISED us? Conservatives are dead wrong when they claim there is no future in renewable energy. There is ONLY a future in renewable energy. Why couldn’t Barack be like FDR and say, “Listen guys. This is the shit that’s gonna go down. I’m doing this no matter what. If you don’t like it, vote me out in four years.” Why couldn’t he do these things? It’s simple. Because he didn’t and doesn’t believe the shit that came/comes forth from his mouth. He’s a liar. He’s a right of center piece of “moderate” shit.

Now I don’t blame Barack for a shitty economy and spiking unemployment like those silly, selfish, and stupid teabaggers do. That shit exists in huge part because of that retard they elected in 2000 and again in 2004. Make no mistake, teabaggers got us where we are today. No, you see my raging anger and disgust stems from his lack of matching ideals. He supports corporations having civil rights. He denies the need for regulation of drilling. He refuses to punish corporations like BP for willful and wonton destruction. He refuses to advance renewable energy. He compromises the civil rights of others by remaining on the side lines as his conservative allies pass filthy legislation that denies women health care and tries to make miscarriages illegal. You see, he portrayed himself as an idealist, but he is no idealist. Hell, he barely passes as a member of that shitty party of ineffectuals called the democratic party. Rick Perry used to be a Democrat, remember? Barack is nothing but a corporate (I repeat that not all corporations are bad) criminal like the rest of them. He’s just smarter because he’s wily and subtle in his behavior unlike those wicked Pavlovian Republicans. I fell for Barack’s act in 2008. I did, and for that I am ashamed, but never again. Trust me, come 2012 you do not have my vote, Barack. Not even close.

"I warned you that lamanite was up to no good! Now we'll see how bright the future can be with the good, the wise, the grand book of mor(m)on! Sing it with me America! Joseph Smith! There was a man! Heigh ho, diddle dee dough. He'll make our country grow-o-o-o! He'll make our country grow! Peace out! I'm heading back to my vacation planet a couple hundred light years away from Kolob. You can let the lamanites out of their cages to clean up in here now."

So listen, Republicans and all you slithering symbiotic organisms called teabaggers. You may well win in your war to crush this quivering planet come November 2012, because as of November 9th 2011, I will NOT be voting for Barack H. Obama. He is a failure. He is a disappointment. He is just another slimy suit paid for by criminal corporate greed. He is a coward. He is a panderer to the simpletons. He is a destroyer of worlds, namely this natural one of which we are an integral and NO MORE important part of. And let me tell you something, if Obama can’t get the vote of this one lonely and passionate idealist, then what hope does he have? Call me a sadist, but I kind of hope Obama gets crushed in the November 2012 election. Let’s see you “hope and change” your way out of that one, asshole.

So all we can do now is see how badly that mor(m)on suit can fuck shit up (IF Obama doesn’t win because of a reverse Nader effect). Hell, Mitt thinks that pesky lamanite Obama is cursed anyway. Maybe, just maybe he’s right, but not for the reasons his kooky fucking story book (a.k.a. scripture) tells him. You see, that’s just racism protected by freedom of religion. 1976 people. That’s when blacks were taken off the mor(m)on shit list. And he’s not right because that schizophrenic voice of “god” tells him so. No, that’s simply his untreated mental illness. No, no, no quite simply, Obama’s cursed because he’s a lying and dangerous fucking asshole… just like Limbaugh, O’Reilly, Pawlenty, Palin, Cain, Geithner, Immelt, Bush I, Bush II, and that adulterous gigaloo from Arkansas elected back in ’92. Fuck ’em all. Fuck ’em hard. Trying to portray yourself as an idealist won’t work again, Barack. As one of your greatest allies once said: “Fool me once, shame on– shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”


Sturm 2012