From here until the end of my days, when I say retard, tard, r-tard, teatard, etc, I am referring to these intellectual stubs that we must with great caution and hesitance call humans. Conservatives, religious right wingers, teabaggers, the tea "party". These are the only true retards.

For all you politically correct people out there, I’m going to pre-emptively defend myself in regards to the use of the term retard. It does not, I repeat NOT refer to people afflicted with genetically delivered cognitive disease or even those obtaining them from birthing complications or accidents. Trust me when I say these people offer far more to society than those I am referring to in my subsequent entries. From this day forth, I am seizing control of the word and shifting the vernacular. I from here on out use this fantastic term to describe the mentally deficient shit stains on the underwear that is humanity. These include rednecks, NASCAR fans, Mor(m)ons, and many others, including the most recent arrivals: the tea baggers.

Let’s get something straight. It’s not the tea party. It’s the teabaggers. We need to perpetuate this term to drive these ignorant, fetid fucking balls of inbred shit past the brink of anger. They truly did take a perfectly fine sexual term and turn it into something embarrassing and vile. Fuck ’em. They’re stuck with it now. Don’t let these assholes back down now. They started it with their ignorant chants of “Tea bag Obama! Tea bag the Whitehouse! Tea bag the liberal dems before they tea bag you!” Fear mongering inbreds. I hate every one of these shitheels. They are tea baggers. When they gather to protest or speak they are tea bagging. There’s no going back now asstards.

These assholes are something else. They are a dichotomy of stupidity. Every one of these loudmouth retards in one breath wish to disassemble the constitution, while at the same time cling to its very fabric demanding their basic protections. As sad as it makes me, the constitution is there to protect even these ignoramuses. Alas, there are always side effects to even the greatest of medicines.

"I demand to be protected by my first amendment rights and at the same time, I demand that my so called party be taken seriously!"

So who are these fucksticks? Let’s start at the beginning, with one of the original retards, Dale Robertson. He is the messiah of the Teabaggers and leader of the dimmest of the dim. He is the self proclaimed founder of the tea baggers and their joke website (I’ll tear apart their website more in this and later entries). This asshat claims he’s not a racist, but he was seen at a tea bagger rally in 2009 carrying a sign that said: congress=slave owner taxpayer= niggar. That’s right. His sign read this, and yes the nasty “n” slur was spelled like that. Don’t believe me? Look left.

Wow. Racist fuck and illiterate to boot. Or did he do it as they do in chatrooms to “get around” being racist? If you did do it for that reason, it doesn’t exonerate you, asshole. It makes you look even more guilty because you know you’re being racist. The fucking phrase doesn’t even make sense. This assfuck in an interview with RT studio in D.C. said the tea party is “all about the constitution” (vague as fuck statement that is impotent at its core).

Okay, Dale. Let’s say you are indeed, “all about the constitution.” Why then does one of your politicians Christine O’Donnell not know the first fucking amendment of this document? If you’re all about this piece of paper, defending it with your white supremacist blood and Glenn Beck’s tears, then what the fuck do you have to say about that? Nothing. That’s what I thought. Any time one of these assholes opens their mouths, nothing but fear mongering, ultra-patriotic sound bytes of liquid shit flows out. Failures.

I went to this website to find out their stances, and amidst the “we’re not racists” (yes you are) defense and the screams of assaults on liberty, I found their list of core beliefs. I’m actually surprised those Cro-magnon ancestors could figure out how to use a computer. It’s a weapon of mass destruction, don’t they know? But here it is, copied from their fucking website. These items are titled: “Non-negotiable core beliefs”. How sad. Nothing screams political progress like “non-negotiable.” Bravo.

Illegal Aliens Are Here illegally.
Pro-Domestic Employment Is Indispensable.
Stronger Military Is Essential.
Special Interests Eliminated.
Gun Ownership Is Sacred.
Government Must Be Downsized.
National Budget Must Be Balanced.
Deficit Spending Will End.
Bail-out And Stimulus Plans Are Illegal.
Reduce Personal Income Taxes A Must.
Reduce Business Income Taxes Is Mandatory.
Political Offices Available To Average Citizens.
Intrusive Government Stopped.
English As Core Language Is Required.
Traditional Family Values Are Encouraged.

Common Sense Constitutional
Conservative Self-Governance

Whew! That’s a mouthful of dried bull shit, isn’t it? Let’s break some of these down, because these assholes including Dale sure didn’t.

Illegal aliens are here illegally Well duh, Shitlock Holmes! But don’t blame them, blame the local fucking Wal-Mart that you shop at for your cheap fucking electronics and food. Assholes. If the business world didn’t hire illegally (and with full knowledge), then these “savages” as you would love to call them wouldn’t be here. FYI: You’re the savages, Dale. You and your cronies. Not our Spanish-speaking brethren and sistren.

Pro-Domestic Employment Is Indispensable So do you mean every product we consume should be forged in America? We can barely produce a quality car. Our infrastructure is in shambles. How the fuck do you propose we produce every item we consume and produce it with American hands? Oh, that’s right. These are sound bytes, not solutions. Hey Dale?  All of our wool? All of our cotton? Every piece of entertainment? What about bananas, Dale? Should we produce every fucking banana we eat here in the U.S? What do you think? Think that’s even possible? The shitwit’s probably nodding his head “yes” right now. Inbreeder.

A symbol of teabagger hope 'n freedumb.

Stronger military is essential This is typical of the redneck, neo-con movement. Let’s build a bigger military and at the same time cut taxes and erase the deficit. The leading cause of our deficit IS military spending, which includes but is not limited to the long and expensive process of political building in countries to which we laid waste with our “heroes in arms”. Don’t think so? You’re wrong and you’re a dumbfuck. The U.S. is hands down the biggest spender on the military at just under 663.3 billion in 2009. This doesn’t even include the embarrassing blunder that is homeland (in)security that adds another 43 billion. In comparison, that country you and your sheep fear Dale? China? Want to know how much it spent in equal dollars in 2009? Just under 99 billion. You do the math. Oh, wait. You spectacularly fucktarded tea baggers can’t perform basic arithmetic. Nevermind.

Special interests eliminated If you truly are a legitimate political party (and that is debatable), then you have special interests. In fact you ARE a special interest. Trust me, many more will come out of the woodwork the longer you are allowed to survive as a cult. Fuck off.

Gun ownership is sacred Redneck voter issue with a religious twist in the wording. Sigh. You’re a shortsighted ignorant asshole if you vote (and you do) on this issue alone. Fuck off. The day they take your precious “defender of freedom” is the day they tax the number of breaths you take a day, which in your case is way too fucking many.

Government must be downsized To what extent? Give specifics Dale. Give details. Oh, that’s right. As Ron Johnson, one of your unofficial fuckstains in Wisconsin said while debating Feingold: “This election isn’t about details.” Nothing is with you evolutionary failures. But then again, many of you are creationists. Word of warning: There’s nothing intelligent about intelligent design.

National Budget Must Be Balanced Still want that “stronger” military? These two ideas ARE mutually exclusive. Kind of like effective governing and tea bag electorate majority.

Deficit Spending Will End see above shitheads.

Bail-out And Stimulus Plans Are Illegal Perhaps this could be supported, but what if it was one of your precious businesses like Wal-Mart or Hooters you ignorant fucks? I bet you’d support a bailout. For the record, I hated the bailout. I was opposed to it BECAUSE it made no fundamental changes in our system to prevent the meltdown from happening again (which I promise it will). I guarantee that the tea baggers only opposed the bailout because “it’s my money. Boohoo.” Selfish assholes. You don’t care about bettering this country, only saving your asse(t)s. Let’s just say for one minute that this present administration sat there and did nothing. How much of your bullshit rhetoric do you want to bet that you’d be protesting Obama and his people doing nothing in the face of economic meltdown? You would have, asshole. That’s as guaranteed as your ignorance.

Reduce Personal Income Taxes A Must– not with your frail egos demanding stealth bombers and endless, brainless 18-year-old meat to lubricate your gears of war.

Reduce Business Income Taxes Is Mandatory– again, your dick comparing with China and the twenty countries below us on the military spending list prohibit this. Oh, FYI. This is a very gray fucking area that is at the heart of A LOT of special interest groups. Tea bagging amateurs. Fucking failures. They don’t even see the blazing ironies and contradictions in their masturbatory list. They’re also too ignorant to care.

Do you really want an "average" citizen like this running the show? Didn't think so.

Political Offices Available To Average Citizens– if this means cretins like you running Washington, then I’ll pass. It’s fucked up enough as it is. I don’t want a president I can drink a beer with or shoot guns with, I want one that does shit right and brings this country back from the failure that it is. I want one that the world respects and gives a chance to salvage our standing, unlike that retard GWB. Average Joe Schmoe plumbers and electricians are incapable of leading this country. That’s a fact. Deal with it.

Intrusive Government Stopped– vague, detail-less talk. I guarantee that a vast majority of tea baggers elected and supported GWB. Guess what he did? Illegal wire tapping. Illegal detainment. Torture. All under the guise of patriotism. The Patriot Act was the single most destructive piece of legislation to attack civil liberties and human rights. How much do you want to bet that most of the tea baggers supported this to “feel safer”? “We have to do something,” they all shrieked when the towers fell. Don’t feel safe? Take that gun you love so much, put it in your mouth and pull the fucking trigger. Society will thank you. Become that martyr you demand that everyone else become.

English As Core Language Is Required– Knock it off. Now you’re just sounding even more ignorant. Like Tim James in his bid for republican nomination for Alabama governor who resembles to a tee every nominee for the Tea bagger party. Tea baggers aren’t racist? The fuck they aren’t.

"Although the conservatives drop my name a lot... know that I am not like them. I don't believe in stereotypes. Gays, sick, poor, muslims... I'd accept them all if those stingy Jew bastards hadn't hung me up for a bit of coin. Can I get a sip of water up here?"

Traditional Family Values Are Encouraged– another catch phrase I’m sick and fucking tired of. What the hell does this mean? Here’s my take. It means going to church, teaching your children to be homophobic, waging war with “heathens” (every country that disagrees), creating chaos in an already chaotic world, reading the bible four times a day, subjugating women, praying for change (in others of course, not yourselves) and preaching more hatred, intolerance and fear than  Joseph fucking Vissarionovich Stalin (I’ll refrain from using the obvious plug for Hitler which is the tea baggers’s favorite albeit blundering technique).

Common Sense Constitutional Conservative Self-Governance– Common sense? The tea baggers wouldn’t know common sense if it was Glenn Beck’s scrotum dragging across their faces. Constitutional? As I’ve illustrated in one brief but shining example (Christine O’Donnell), these sorry excuses for human beings have no clue what the constitution is let alone how to govern by it. Conservative? You bet. Know who else was conservative? George Gordon and his buddies in Pulaski, Tennessee circa 1867. Self-Governance? Come now. You wouldn’t let a child play with knives or dynamite, would you? Come to think of it you tea baggers might.

This long, shit spewing list reveals one thing clearly about the Teabag party. They have no actual plans. They are vague beyond hope. All I can decipher is they want less government (programs that fucking matter to our frail civilization), fewer taxes, and more war. Total war in fact. Fuck you Dale. Take your sheep overseas and wage war on your own with whatever imaginary demons you see fit to fight. I hope you and your sheeple get annihilated. You people are the real threat to my freedom. Not Al-Qaeda, not Iran, not any other fucking flavor of the week you can come up with. You. You alone are the single greatest threat this country has ever or will ever face. The threat of ignorance. The threat of the teabaggers.

This is the best and brightest that the tea "party" can come up with. I'd laugh if it weren't so frightening.

How can I say this? Because you force me to. You pick the most staggeringly and frighteningly ignorant, clueless women and men to lead your fight. The women are especially scary. Do you pick these MILFs to show you’re “open”? No. Bill Maher took the words right out of my mouth. It’s to get redneck males (whites) to the polls. These wastes of space want a politician they can masturbate to: a submissive (they are as they are all religious) housewife that is dumber than they are (how that’s possible boggles the mind).

Seriously. I could go on forever on this topic. I’ll visit it again, but for now know this. If you’re a teabagger, you should be ostracized and wedged out of any political discourse. You’re irrelevant… no, you’re actually worse. You are dangerous and destructive to the advancement of human civilization. If it were up to you, we’d ingress (look it up you pathetic failures) to the stone age. I have one simple request for all of you crusty fuckstains. If you can’t find the decency to pull a Heaven’s Gate and rid society of your vile, contemptuous selves, then at the very least please live up to your cult’s name and go gargle some fucking ballsacks. I’d lend you mine, but I don’t want my scrotum to be sullied by your tongues. Assholes.