"Well hells ya I support Romney. Santorum? Absolutely. Ron Paul? Of course. Gingrinch? Without a doubt. Who am I gonna vote fer then? Well I'm an independent, duh, so I vote what my consum... my consen... my constipation dictates... I'll vote fer whoever I damn well please! Now kindly step out of my way, college boy, I need to get to that Hooters over there for some oysters!"

Ron Paul, Newt Gingrinch, Mitt Romney, and the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex. What do they all have in common? They are all parasitic creatures feeding off  of others whether it be those less fortunate souls’ fears, hopes, hard work, or mere desire to eek out a simple, inconsequential existence. They are playing a dangerous game with this civilization, and worse this planet and it’s fragile ecosystem of which humans are merely another part. They are drones and nothing more. Well, not exactly. They are also clones. Each one represents the other in reality. There are minimal differences. Sure there are subtle nuances that give one more credit with a certain pocket of the Republie/con party, but make no mistake, they all represent the same end: big and oppressive government, endless war, cementation of religion within the political system, misogyny, homophobia, racism (yeah assholes, even that now thankfully irrelevant teatard Herman Cain), environmental desecration, and civil rights repeal. Did I miss anything? Oh yeah. How about an inability to display plain old fucking decency, compassion, and foresight?

I know, a lot of people will come to the defense of Ron Paul claiming he is not like the others. They say he actually has some civility and sense about him. Even some of my liberal friends and coworkers are guilty of coming to the aid of his perhaps slightly more subtle yet equally damaging hyperbole. “I like Ron Paul,” they’ll say. Or, “Ron Paul’s not that bad. At least he’s genuine.” Genuine? How? In what sense? He’s a Republican reaching hard for the “independents” and thankfully he’s failing, because in the end he’d be just like the other three morands in the race.

Now I know I’m prone to my own hyperbole, but you see the difference is, mine doesn’t lead to war, environmental desecration, or civil entropy. And mine is awesome. Some have and will continue to criticize my “tired talking points” (those pesky ideas of misogyny, civil rights, the environment, etc, etc) and that’s fine. Who cares? They are sub-human creatures that barely evolved beyond our ape ancestor mentality. All they are capable of is a lot of  grunting and chest thumping and during every major election, drawing a shaky line to complete the arrow pointing to anyone with an (R) by their name on a ballot.

"Ah, yes 'tis one hundred purrcent true. I shit in a box and then promptly lick my own asshole. All I think about is eating, pooping, getting scratched, and batting dripping water, but I have a vastly more refined social conscientiousness than all of those teabaggers I have watched from my kingly window perch."

Anyways, I have digressed (but not really). Back to my main point. What I’m saying is that all four of these goons are identical to one another save a few nuances in their individualized insanity. Ron Paul believes inner city blacks will stick you with AIDS infested needles (he approved publication of racist newsletters stating so). Newt Gingrich believes it is okay to cheat on your wife (during work hours) while berating and calling for the impeachment of an asshole president who did the exact same. Mitt Romney believes he’s going to inherit a planet and have many wives when he dies. And frothy discharge believes… well so many heinous things (a six thousand year old earth for starters) that he should be automatically disqualified for being inconsequential but he hasn’t. He’s a theocrat for fuck’s sake! You know, the funny thing is even his own overly oppressed wife doesn’t believe the bullshit that comes spewing out of her misogynistic, creationist asshole husband’s mouth. Pre-Santorum, she lived with a man out of wedlock for christ’s sake. Of course froth meister will talk about how she repented and has been forgiven by god (which is another way of saying froth-man is merely, and graciously according to him, letting bygones be bygones). What in the name of christ’s holy shit is wrong with these people? Bah, why analyze their banalities? It gets us nowhere. That’s energy better spent making a stuffed grilled cheese sandwich. Or petting my vastly more important cats.

"Whoa guys! When I said suit up, I didn't mean blabber like morons and spout crazy ideas in public. But Mitt, man. Way to go on baggin' those babes in the afterlife, bro! Not sure about the marriage part though."

So you see, despite these nuances, the fundamental beliefs of all four candidates have been, still are, and forever will be identical. You know, it’s weird the dichotomy of anger and humor that this whole Republie/con primary delivers to me on a silver fucking platter. I’m 99.99% certain it’s the common thread of rising religion leading towards theocracy weaving throughout all of these suited up assholes that disgusts and horrifies me the most. What’s most ironic (and moronic) about this idea of theocracy is that the dolts that will automatically vote for WHOEVER wins this race to the bottom are the same assholes that shriek about all of the islamic (not capitalized to emphasize insignificance) theocratic states. Of course they’re too ignorant to use the word theocratic and choose instead, oh I don’t know, “towel heads” or “sand niggers” or some compilation of words that cling to the false idea that christianity is even microscopically less crazy than islam. Idiots.

Now I hate Obama. Not personally of course, but because he’s a right leaning corporate Dimocrat. Too many of his policies fight for the wrong side. He’s dropped the ball so many times it’s not even worth watching the game anymore for fear of punching my beautiful 47 inch LED t.v. He failed to punish BP like he should have. Even fucking Brazil has detained the executives of Chevron for shitting in the water. Have you seen this? It’s unbelievable. Maybe it won’t go anywhere, but it’s a god damned great start. But could Obama do that? No, because the asshole needs his own post-presidency golden parachute. What an asshole. He’s even gone so far as to open up further drilling in the name of energy independence. What a panderer to the simpleton, “drill baby drill” crowd. But we can’t stop there. Oh, no. He also caved in to the demands of the cathoholics on birth control. He pandered to the military, keeping unnecessary wars rolling far longer than he should have. He supports the idea that “corporations are people too, my friend.” So excuse the hyperbole, but Barack’s nothing more than a Republie/con.

But as much as I hate Obama, I truly hate the open Republie/cons more. It makes me smile when I see that the longer this primary rolls on, the more Barack’s numbers swell. Why? No, not because Barack will probably win in November, but because it shows the indisputable stupidity and the incredible arrogance and the outright uselessness of the right. Does anyone actually think if say frothy discharge wins the primary that anyone who unwaveringly supported Ron Paul will refuse to vote for anal drainage? No, of course not. Why? Is it because all four candidates ultimately support their own stunted and wicked belief systems? Without a doubt, but more importantly it’s because all four of them are all inter-fucking-changeable. They’re cloned drones if you will. End of story.



"Uhhhhhhh... sand niggar!"