Let me preface this entry by saying I am drukn. Despite the fact that I’ve been drunking, it dusn’t mayke my seeds of wisdom any less fucking astute. I can still tipe, wright? If you right me off for a moment of weakness, then fuck you. Your an asshole. My shrink said drinking is okay during my rode to recovery as long as I don’t slip back into “that dark place”. Disagree? Lick my ass.

So I just I escorted my fiancee and my best fiend… I mean friend back to my place after a night of hard drinking and put them to bed. Side note: Mickey’s sucks balls. My hot fiancee held out a fucking Andy Jackson for 15 minutes and didn’t get service. Don’t go to Mickey’s. Walk down Willy street one block and drink at Crystal Corners. They’ll serve you even if you pay in food stamps, I shit you not. Awesome staff. Booyah, bitches!

Robert Mariano as seen down at Copp’s in Sun Prairie, WI campaigning for Scott Walker.

So anyway. After I put my loved ones to bed and pet my awesome cats, I tried to sleep myself, but I couldn’t. Why? because as I was pissing my brains out (due to alcohol consumption and resulting increased production of ADH) I saw a picture of  “chairman Bob” on the garbage bag that collects my snotty tissues and my woman’s full tampons and got really fucking angry. “Who is chairman Bob?” you’re asking. If you don’t live in Wisconsin… I mean “Conservatard Land Since November 2”, his name is Robert Mariano and he’s the CEO of Roundy’s Supermarkets, Inc (which includes Flopp’s, Dick ‘n Slave, and Rainblow Foods to name a few), and he is a shit stain. Man, I hate this asshole. Every time I buy groceries at one of his shitty stores, I have to see his ugly smile and thumbs up approving of my purchase. It’s like watching a creepy Enzyte commercial. What a shitty ad campaign this “chairman Bob” bullshit is. Seriously. Morons.

Why does he approve of my purchases? Because he couldn’t give a fetid shit. He’s making money hand over fist. If I buy Kool Aid, guess who’s making money? Bob. If I buy an apple, guess who gets a kick back? Bobbie boy. If I buy a box ‘o cunt plugs (tampons), guess who hit the jackpot? That’s right, CEO (Conservative Egotistical Orifice) Bob. Bottom line is, no matter what I buy, I’m paying for his boat or his wife’s 50 karat wedding ring/cheek lift redo or his 13 year old daughter’s fourth abortion. Hey, Bob! Guess what? I don’t fucking care if you approve! I need fucking food! Lick my balls. Just because you have better produce than every store in Madison except Metcalf’s Sentry in Hilldale Mall, it doesn’t give you the right to smile at me and give me the thumb’s up you creepy jackass. What are you, a pedophile? Perhaps you are, but guess what else you are? You’re an asshole. Yes, Bob. Yes. Yes you are. Stop printing your ugly face on every bag you pack my groceries into. You, me, and everyone else knows you’re an asshole. You like to gargle ball sacks like… like… oh, like tea baggers. Yeah, that’s right. You’re a tea bagger Bob. You’re a fucking tea bagger, which means you can eat my shit. Thanks for voting for Walker/Johnson like a bonafide fucking shit tard so you could get a .03% tax break so you could save up for your daughter’s fifth abortion. Asshole. I hate tea baggers and I hate Robert “the jackass” Mariano. They’re all wasting precious oxygen.

Fuck I hate Bob. I’m not shopping at his shitty stores anymore. How can I fall asleep now when I’m so angry? Perhaps I’ll mix myself another G&T. Maybe I’ll call my shrink to help pacify my sudden homicidal rage. Sigh. Anyway, my cat is staring at me like I’m fucking crazy, so I’m going to line my toilet bowl with a Copp’s grocery bag with Bob’s face and take a massive, hemhorragic fucking shit on his face and then go back to bed. It’s the only sane thing to do in these conservatard times, right? Nighty-night bitches.

Peace,

Sturm

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