Well I knew it wouldn’t be long before something sick and twisted this way would come.

"Tee hee. Jesus loves me this I know!!! Tee hee. Or so my wifey tells me so!!!"

Un-fuckin’-believable. I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised, and I’m not really, especially when in his acceptance speech, the gigglin’ gopher thanked god for his win. Yeah. Sure. It’s perfectly logical that: a) there is an imaginary bearded guy in the sky controlling every mechanical, chemical, physical, mathematical, and social dynamic of the universe, and b) he gives a shit about you and your insignificant fucking office race. Moron. Religious people are a plague. E-bola’s got nothing on them.

But I’ve digressed. So Scottie’s bitch wife, the one who can pour the most honey potion into this retarded “governor’s” ear, wants to start a faith based treatment center (it should be called faith biased). Hallelujah, Wisconsinites! Do you know what this means? Religion will be further crammed down our throats at the cost of tax payer dollars (budget crisis be damned). Yeah, I know Walker, Wisconsin Ranger SAAAID there would be no tax dollars spent on it, but do you really believe that? I don’t. It’s his agenda. Religion IS his agenda. Those that elected him have allowed yet another religious dolt to ascend to the gubernatorial throne. Barrett was far more qualified than this mental degenerate. Gopher boy destroyed Milwaukee County. His budget cuts allowed infrastructure to deteriorate to the point where a man died when a garage collapsed upon him. His blood is on your paws, gopher boy. And also the hands of those who elected you. Way to go, Wisconsin. But we didn’t actually expect an intelligent decision from a bunch of retarded rednecks or fiscally thirsty asshounds, now did we?

Make no fucking mistake. Some how, in some way, at  some time this idiot will spend my tax dollars on his wife’s stupid (and dangerous) religious cause. Hell, even his speaking about it could be construed as already spending my money on it. His speech required security, didn’t it? He’s mentioning the stupid “treatment center” within the idiotic ramblings that are called speeches and thereby bringing attention to it, isn’t he? He’s an effective, albeit goofy lookin’, billboard. Fuckin’ shady, manipulative asshole.

Faith based healing. Hmmm. I wonder what that means. I wonder… oh that’s right. The proselytizing to, the brain washing of, and finally the religious conversion of the weak and/or vulnerable. Swelling the ignorant numbers of the most dangerous people on the planet: the religious. I’m sure some will ask, “What’s the harm, Sturm you insensitive asshole who can mix one helluva grand gin gimlet? If they find god or jesus and it helps them recover from alcoholism, then why not?”

"Hey sinner! I used to pay men for anonymous gay butt sex but then I found Christ. Oh wait, I found Christ before the buttsex. Nevermind."

Why not? Why not? Are you fucking retar… duh, yeah. Of course you are. The harm comes because all of these faith following fucking frauds (I’m talking about many of you A.A…A-holes.) don’t treat the underlying problem. They replace one obsession for another. Instead of gin ‘n juice, they get drunk on jesus god-damned fucking christ. Weak, pathetic assholes. They leave “treatment” incapable of dealing with their condition beyond prayer which as already been PROVEN to be ineffective. But hey! At least their fellow dip shits in christianity will be there to enable their new addiction to jesus and push it upon the remaining sane of this planet. Great. More self-righteous, fired up morons. Just what we needed. How many times have you heard about born again christians who were once hookers or druggies or abusive men or alcoholics? Fuck me. Consider me a bored again non-christian. Thanks assholes for ruining this earth and any chance for humanity to evolve because of some phantom “pain” in your past. Fuck you, you narcissistic whiny bitches. How selfish can you be? We’ve all had pain. You don’t see me running around like a cooky cunt fer christ, do you? Pathetic. This Tonette chick can go eat from the heaping pile of the bullshit she’s dropping all over us.

This is why religious dolts like Wisconsin's governerd do not venture far from 'Merica's shoreline. Scary stuff, huh?

So, in summary the new governerd of Wisconsin has a cooky wife (and lieutenant governor to match) that probably prays every night before bed. When she wakes each morning (unfortunately), she probably looks in the mirror, trying to tell herself that it’s worth the ridicule to go out into the world as long as it’s for christ and his supposed mission that carries on 2 millennia later. She’s not worried about pesky judgment by other humans. No, no, fuck no. Her reward will come in due time when she ascends to that place somewhere above our heads with all the fluffy white pillows ‘n shit, where everyone gets wings and can fly around and eat their favorite Ben ‘n Jerry’s all day, every fucking day. I know, sounds crazy right? Unfortunately a lot of dip shit Wisconsinites agree with her. Wastes of space. They should all drink hemlock and be reunited with their bisexual (12 “disciples”? Yeah right. I’m sure that’s all they were.), hooker lovin’ (Mary Mag hag), alcoholic (homebrewin’ water into wine) friend jesus. If they left now, the rest of us could live in peace and harmony, eating Chunky Monkey, playing video games, and fucking who we want, when we want without threats of taking an eternal trip to an imaginary sauna someplace beneath our feet. “Where is hell you ask? Why it’s down there. No I know, it’s beneath the crust. Well, it’s obviously below this mantle of which you speaketh. No, come on now. Don’t be ridiculous, it’s under the outer core. The inner core? Well… no, it’s past that. What do you mean that puts us back into the outer core? Round? It’s fucking round? Well it’s down there somewhere. Jesus Christ, try not to think so much about it. It’s all part of god’s plan.”

Anyway, MY divine plan of eating, gaming, and fucking sounds like “heaven” to me. The only thing I’m gonna pray for in the meantime is that the gopher and his second in command have to step down from their posts for whatever reason and allow Doug La Follette, Secretary of State, to rise and take over command of this shithole. Here’s to “god’s plan”.

So until the next time Walker, Wisconsin gopher, I mean Ranger opens his miserable mouth…